


solace

by princehuangss



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: :((, Alternate Universe - Apocalypse, Blood, Death, M/M, Minor Violence, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Apocalypse, Strangers to Lovers, idk i really researched everything for this appreciate me, takes place in Arizona, what do you expect it's an apocalypse au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-18
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2020-10-21 11:36:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 28,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20692874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princehuangss/pseuds/princehuangss
Summary: sol·ace/ˈsäləs/comfort or consolation in a time of distress or sadness."jeno found solace in a boy named renjun when he needed it most."





	1. i. sweet dreams till sunbeams find you

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter title inspiration:  
Dream a Little Dream Of Me - Ella Fitzgerald & Louis Armstrong

**August 13, 2057 ; Somewhere in Arizona**

**T+1,206 days since nuclear annihilation**

  
  


Sand and tiny rocks crunching beneath his boots.

The brush, dry as bones, rustling in the wind.

The occasional bird cries that could be heard from off in the distance.

The symphony of everyday sounds was one of the few comforts Jeno could savour. He had not heard another human’s voice besides his own in over six months, and he had to do what he could to keep the loneliness from driving him crazy.

That and staying constantly busy were the only reasons he hadn’t yet laid down and let himself bake in the hot Arizona sun. He had long since lost sight of any purpose, and his strict self-imposed schedule kept the darker thoughts at bay. It barely wavered from week to week, and went a little something like this:

The week started on Sunday (or what he could only assume was Sunday, new calendars hadn’t been made in years), and it was marked by the arrival of new rations to Jeno’s camp. He would head out early, every other week to a different grocery store or gas station convenience store. Over the years he had been sustaining himself, he had systematically stowed away all the non-perishables within stores of reasonable proximity, under floorboards and behind shelves for him to retrieve later. It siphoned out the supplies and prevented other desperate survivors from getting to them. It was safer than keeping them all at his camp.

On Mondays, Jeno did food prep. He planned out all his meals for the week, making sure he had enough rations to get him to next Sunday. 

Tuesdays were for inventory. Jeno would use this day to comb through all of his minimal possessions, taking down what was missing or broken, and what other supplies he would need. This didn’t change very drastically from week to week, but he still found comfort in the monotonous task.

Wednesday was radio day. Jeno had been given an old portable radio by his father, and over his years of isolation he had been working on improving the device, primarily its antenna until the antenna on the laptop-sized radio was more than half the height of Jeno himself. Every week he’d rise before the sun, carefully toting the unwieldy radio along on a hike to the highest cliff in Jeno’s vicinity. He’d reach the top at around noon, and he’d then spend a few hours painstakingly searching for a signal. Searching for a sign, for someone to tell him they were out there. Anything to signal that he wasn’t truly alone.

Jeno was still waiting.

The rest of the week, Thursday through Saturday, Jeno managed to fill with his array of different hobbies. Sometimes he would take hikes for fun. He also enjoyed cooking, listening to music, working out, and customizing his radio. If she was around, Jeno would play with the stray cat that hid from the heat in his camp; he had affectionately named her Bongsik. Recently, he had found some paint supplies at a craft store, and brought them with him in hopes of improving his absolutely miserable art skills.

  
  
  


Today was Sunday, which meant a new week. Jeno was currently halfway between camp and the second closest abandoned Safeway station. He tried to ignore the sweat trickling down his neck and the aching in his feet in favor of the soft music streaming out of his radio. To keep spirits high on the longer hikes like this, Jeno brought his favorite mixtape that his dad had made him.

An hour later, the last note of the mixtape played just as Jeno’s tired feet approached the gas station parking lot. Jeno remembered this location clearly; this was the place where he had hidden some hostess pastries under the back shelf, and a couple first aid kits in the cash register. He’d pick up one of the first aid kits for sure- his medical supplies were currently looking pretty bleak. 

Jeno rounded the parking lot, and began carefully creeping around the side of the building, slowly raising the hunting knife clutched in his hand closer to his chest. He had learned the hard way many times to always be on high alert; hungry, desperate survivors were not something you wanted to catch you by surprise.

Jeno’s heart was beating a little faster as he peeked through a shattered window and into the store. A quick sweep told him that the scene was clear, so he stood all the way up and hopped through the empty doorway. 

From there, Jeno made his work as quick as possible. He scooped up one of the first aid kits from the register, as well as an armful of hostess pastries and a box of instant oatmeal. Jeno sighed as he stuffed the items into his bag; weeks where he went to gas stations usually meant the less desirable food.

Jeno was retrieving a few granola bars from a concealed hole in the wall when a muffled crash from the back room echoed through the store.

Jeno’s blood ran cold. He was not alone.

Jeno’s hands shook like leaves as he carefully picked up his knife, and checked that his spare concealed blades were within reach. His heart pounded violently as he recollected the last run in he had with other people, months and months ago. As he carefully shuffled to the back of the store, Jeno prayed that dealing with whatever was back there wouldn’t leave him with the same scars and night terrors. 

Jeno finally came to the door that led to the back room. It was a heavy metal door that had been completely rusted over. Jeno flinched and hugged his knife closer when the door screeched as he pushed it open. Any uncertainty about another human presence evaporated then, when Jeno heard what sounded like a fearful squeak come from a big metal cabinet in the far corner.

Jeno carefully stepped over the debris to reach the cabinet, over a fallen bulletin board, neglected coffee mugs, and forgotten store uniforms. He carefully placed his hands on the cabinet door handles. Jeno counted to ten and back down, desperately trying to get his breathing back to normal. The adrenaline finally kicked in and had him yanking the cabinet doors open and getting his gun into position with one fell swoop.

Jeno almost dropped his knife when his eyes met the sight before him. 

It was a young boy sitting at the bottom of the cabinet. He couldn’t have been much older than Jeno himself, but he was significantly smaller in build. A quick scan of the boy’s body and Jeno could see just how battered this boy was, covered head to toe in scrapes and bruises. Most significant of all of his injuries was a jagged cut half the length of Jeno’s forearm that decorated one of the boy’s shins. It was bleeding profusely, and with that all of the fight drained from Jeno’s body.

The boy was also holding a baseball bat which he had been holding defiantly in Jeno’s direction ever since he had opened the cabinet door. Although, from the way the boy’s arms shook, Jeno could tell that the hostile front was thinly masking fear and exhaustion.

Maybe it was Jeno’s desperation for human contact, or simply his natural tendency towards helping people, but he suddenly felt the urge to scoop the boy up and take care of him. Now that the boy posed no harm to him, all Jeno could see was a companion his age.

After a lengthy stare-off, Jeno finally moved into action. He slowly lowered his gun to the ground beside him, and knelt next to the boy, trying to look as gentle and non-threatening as possible.

“Hi. My name’s Jeno,” he whispered gently, his voice cracking from disuse, “I’m here to help.”

The boy slowly lowered his baseball bat, eyes wide. Many stifling moments of silence passed before he responded.

“Renjun,” he whispered back, barely audible, “My name’s Renjun.”

“Nice to meet you Renjun.” Jeno sent him his signature eye smile, hoping to soften Renjun up and lower his guard enough to get him out of the closet and back to Jeno’s camp. It seemed to work a little bit; Renjun’s features loosened just a little, however still on high defense.

“The cut on your leg looks pretty nasty. If it’s ok, I’m gonna quickly wrap it up in a makeshift tourniquet so you don’t bleed out before I can fix you up at my camp.”

When Renjun went a little pale, Jeno figured that maybe he shouldn’t joke about bleeding out quite yet.

“It’ll be okay.” Jeno amended quickly. He grabbed a towel from a nearby countertop and some elastic bandages from his bag, and quickly started wrapping Renjun’s leg as carefully as he could.

“How’d you do this to yourself?” Jeno indicated to the lengthy cut he was wrapping.

“It looks like I got in a bear fight, but… fell in a ditch.” Renjun said with a small, self deprecating grin on his face. “Y’know, like an idiot.”

Jeno couldn’t stop the unflattering snort at Renjun’s words. He had been worried about being able to lighten Renjun’s mood, but it seemed like Renjun was doing just fine.

Renjun turned curious eyes to where Jeno was just finishing the tourniquet on his leg. “You’re pretty good at this.”

Jeno smiled. “Well, my brother was a Pre-Med student before all this, so I’ve picked up a thing or two from him.” He said, shifting his weight back onto his heels before speaking again.

“If it’s okay with you, I’m going to bring you back to my camp. I have more medical supplies there that can help you.” Renjun considered Jeno’s words for a moment, then shrugged.

“Why not?” he said, reaching his arms out for assistance, “As long as you don’t mind a little lifting.”

  
  
  


**August 13, 2057 ; Jeno’s camp**

**T+1,206 days since nuclear annihilation**

  
  


Jeno groaned with relief as his camp came into view. Renjun had been on and off his back ever since the gas station, and every muscle in his body was screaming. Although Renjun was actually very light and they stopped many times to rest, 10 miles is still a long distance to carry someone.

He hobbled his way over to the fire pit and set Renjun on a stack of broken down cardboard boxes. Renjun gingerly extended his injured leg in front of him as Jeno rushed over to the yellow volkswagen beetle at the edge of his camp, nearest the cliff. It was a peculiar sight; the inside of the car was completely shelled out, the wheels were gone, and the glass windows had been replaced by cardboard. Tarps were haphazardly spray painted to camouflage with the desert and thrown over the car, and a couple burlap sacks were hung over where the driver’s door once was to protect the entrance.

The car shell was where Jeno slept and kept his most important and precious belongings. He carried basic first aid items with him at all times, but he had proper antibiotics and other medical supplies in the car.

Renjun’s wound had looked pretty deep, judging by the rate he had been bleeding before they fashioned him a tourniquet. The boy would definitely need stitches. Jeno sighed as he grabbed what he would need, as well as an extra towel. Jeno didn’t have anything to numb Renjun’s pain, so he may as well have something to bite down on.

Jeno ducked back out of the car and made his way back to Renjun. 

“Look, I’m going to need to stitch that up.” Jeno stated as he plopped down next to Renjun. “I’m gonna be honest, it’s gonna hurt like a bitch. You’ll probably want to bite down on this.”

Jeno handed Renjun the towel, and Renjun had begun to look sick.

“I’ll be quick and careful, I promise.” Jeno reassured Renjun. When he was met with a small and hesitant  _ Okay then,  _ Jeno took it as his cue to get this over with.

He sat himself next to Renjun’s leg, setting up the needles in front of him and disinfecting them thoroughly. He began to remove the tourniquet on Renjun’s leg, cleaning away as much blood as he could and disinfecting his tools. 

When he finally had the needle threaded and poised over Renjun’s skin, he felt hesitant to continue. He had seen Doyoung stitch people up before, he had even stitched up Jeno once, but Jeno had never done it himself before. He took a deep breath, and began his work.

He almost stopped every time Renjun let out a particular pained whimper. This was terrifying, almost more so than any fight he had gotten into out here. Stitching up a total stranger, feeling completely inexperienced, felt like a boulder on Jeno’s shoulders. Despite being in the company of another person for the first time in months, he couldn’t remember feeling more alone.

Jeno finally made the last stitch, quickly applied antibiotics, and bandaged the wound off. Immediately after finishing, he fell back onto the dusty ground and took a deep shuddering breath. It was silent for a few moments, the only sound being Jeno and Renjun’s labored breathing, and the winds blowing over the desert.

“Are you okay?” Jeno asked. His words probably sounded stupid; of course Renjun wouldn’t be okay. He was just stitched up by an amateur and had absolutely nothing to numb the pain.

“I will be,” came Renjun’s soft reply, “Thank you for stitching me up. Are you… are you okay?” 

Jeno chuckled. “I’m fine, don’t worry about me. You stay there, and I’ll prepare us some dinner.”

“I like the sound of that.” Renjun smiled.

As Jeno rose on shaky legs, he smiled. This Renjun kid was tougher than he could have ever imagined at first glance. Jeno decided then that Renjun wasn’t so bad.

Jeno quickly fetched Renjun a blanket as the evening desert chill began to creep upon them. He donned his fleece lined corduroy jacket and began starting a fire. Renjun watched intently as Jeno hung a pot on the spit over the fire, heating up some canned soup left over from the week before.

“So,” Jeno began as he handed Renjun his bowl, “what brings you all the way out here, alone and terribly injured?” Jeno tries to sound casual, but the curiosity had been burning at him all day. Here was this small, innocent looking boy, completely on his own and appearing out of what seemed like nowhere. Jeno couldn’t help but wonder.

“There’s a huge community fallout shelter in El Paso,” Renjun responded through a full mouth of food. “They occasionally send out volunteers to see what’s happening outside. What people are doing, what’s left. We have pretty good radios, but they haven’t had much success. All of the expeditions so far have proven to be fruitless, but I think… people just need something to hope for.”

Jeno’s eyes widened. This was the first time hearing about the existence of entire community bunkers. He’d just assumed that all the people that survived also had a crazy conspiracy theorist’s basement to hide in.

“So… were you one of the people? Who volunteered?” Jeno asked.

Renjun nodded. “I’ve been wanting to… for as long as we’ve been trapped in that damn bunker. It gets immensely depressing just waiting around in there, y’know? I felt like I needed a purpose, or else what’s keeping me from just throwing myself into the bunker’s massive wind turbine?”

Jeno snorted at the gruesome description. This boy, Renjun, was full of endless surprises. Jeno watched as Renjun ruffled his hair with one hand, and set his bowl down beside him with the other. Renjun then turned his attention back to Jeno, curiosity sparkling like a constellation in his eyes.

“So, what’s your story?” Renjun asked. “Lone wolf, living in the middle of the desert, who’s seemingly got this whole survival thing down. I’m dying to know.”

Jeno sighed. He didn’t even know where to begin, or what to say.

So he started from the beginning. He told Renjun about how his father’s friend had been preparing for a nuclear apocalypse for years, so they were able to ride out the blasts and the worst of the radiation stuffed in this guy’s basement. Jeno told about finally being able to leave, and finding the world in desolation. Coming across this shady area in the middle of the desert, and making it into their home. Making the best out of the worst possible situation, with his dad and brother by his side.

After Jeno’s story concluded, Renjun looked as if he had a question to ask, but he never did. Jeno was relieved.

  
  
  


An hour later dinner had been cleaned up, and the medical supplies had been cleaned and returned to their place. Jeno had helped Renjun hobble over to the car shell, where Jeno slept. He made sure the boy was tucked firmly into a pile of blankets. Despite being sweltering during the day, the desert got very chilly at night. Once Renjun looked properly comfortable, Jeno tucked himself in beside the other boy.

The car interior was thrown into a stuffy silence. Jeno lay stiffly on the blankets next to Renjun, and he listened to the smaller boy’s quiet, controlled breathing as he stared at the cold metal roof above him. Having a human companion again would certainly take some getting used to.

This thought brought another, pressing one to his mind. He carefully turned to face Renjun, even though it was now too dark to really make out his face.

“When do you need to be back? To your bunker?” Jeno whispered.

A moment of silence followed before Renjun whispered back, “I don’t have a deadline, really. Just soon enough so they don’t think I’ve died.”

Jeno sighed with relief. “That’s good. I don’t think it’d be good for you to travel right now, with the condition you’re in.”

Renjun didn’t say anything, but Jeno guesses he must’ve nodded from the sound of his head rustling on the blankets.

“You can stay here if you want, while you heal. I wouldn’t mind the company.” He really wouldn’t. Something in Jeno’s chest yearned for this stranger to stay.

“I wouldn’t be any trouble?”

“I don’t think so. Taking care of you also gives me more to do, you know. The apocalypse can get dreadfully boring sometimes.”

At that Renjun let out a quiet giggle, and it sounded like bells ringing. “Okay then,” he replied, “I’ll stay for now.”

  
  
  


**April 19, 2054 ; Arizona interstate**

**T-5 days to nuclear annihilation**

The Arizona desert seemed endless and fascinating as it whizzed by through the window of their car. Jeno was contentedly counting how many cactuses they passed. His brother Doyoung, however, was restless in the seat next to him.

Jeno didn’t ask many questions, especially when it came to his father. He stayed silent and went along with his dad’s random whims for adventure. It was quite often that he’d pick them up from school one day and just start driving.

Although Jeno has to admit, usually Doyoung and Jeno were filled in on exactly they were going sooner than this. So far, however, their father had stayed completely silent, gripping the wheel tightly and pressing the gas a little harder. 

Doyoung was smart, and not afraid to be bold with their dad. He was also 19, 4 years older than Jeno, so it was kind of second nature to need to look out for his little brother.

“Dad, where are we going?” Doyoung asked. “I have my interview tomorrow for the internship. This isn’t the best time for a trip.”

Jeno’s dad finally spoke up for the first time since they had gotten in the car. “We’re not going on a trip.” He stated shortly, which was met by audible confusion from Doyoung, and a spike of nerves in Jeno.

“What the hell do you mean?” Doyoung asked. He was obviously nervous as well, and Jeno could tell that there was definitely something up with dad, because he said nothing about Doyoung’s disrespectful tone. 

Dad sighed. “My position at the law firm brings with it connections. People affiliated with the government, people who know this country’s biggest secrets.”

There was a moment of silence. Both Doyoung and Jeno knew that their father’s job as a lawyer brought him in contact with lots of sensitive information. Jeno always had wondered about the sort of things his dad knew.

“Well, there has been a murmur amongst my colleagues for a long time. About the startings of a Third World War. All the major world powers are preparing their nuclear arsenal, even the US, despite our prior efforts towards denuclearization.” Their dad paused to wipe his hands on his jeans, and Doyoung swallowed thickly.

“Well, you might have already heard about international tensions. But it’s true that all the US’ nuclear weapons are poised at the ready as we speak.”

Doyoung finally piped up. “Well ok, but that still doesn’t explain why we’re  _ here _ .”

“I’m getting to that,” their father said. “A close friend at the firm just got news about the peace conference last week. It apparently went much worse than was conveyed to the public, and now everyone’s finally reaching for the nukes. At least that’s what I’ve heard.”

“So… we’re running away? From the bombs?” Doyoung asked, voice on edge. His eyebrows were furrowed and his body was tense in the seat next to Jeno.

“Well, sort of.” Their dad muttered. “Another friend of mine has been preparing a shelter for this sort of thing on his property ever since the threat of war erupted. He invited our family as well as the families of a few other coworkers of mine to stay there until the nuclear threats hopefully blow over.” 

Jeno almost rolled his eyes at that. So they were basically going to stay in some conspiracy theorist’s basement for who knows how long because of nuclear threats that were apparently a thing. Maybe his dad was finally losing it. Everyone knew that the whole reason the Cold War happened was because no one dared to actually use their nuclear power. It would be enough to end the world and everyone knew that.

Doyoung has become silent again, and Jeno could tell that he was busy stewing over this new information. Jeno could practically hear the gears whirring in his head.

Jeno turned back to the window, his mood significantly soured from a few minutes ago. He had many doubts that these bombs would actually drop on the US and wipe everybody out. Honestly, more than anything, he was sour about his 16th birthday being possibly ruined by this impromptu trip to crazyland.

Jeno attempted to snuff these thoughts by aiming his focus on counting cactuses again.

  
  



	2. ii. are we the last to get away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE: If you're coming back after a while from chapter 1 then I'd suggest reading it again, as I rewrote a lot of it!
> 
> Chapter title inspiration: Last Living Souls - The Gorillaz  
  
Please enjoy, and sorry for the long wait!!

**April 23, 2054 ; near Tucson, AZ**

**T-1 days to nuclear annihilation**

  
  


It had been four days since Jeno and Doyoung’s father had packed them into the car along with their most important possessions, hauling them out into the desert and to this house.

The house belonged to one of his father’s coworkers, an eccentric man from the law firm that had been anticipating a nuclear disaster for years. He had been preparing an entirely subterranean cellar about 100 feet from his house. It was outfitted with plenty of insulation, a battery powered generator, and at least a couple year’s worth of rations. It even had a couple stuffy couches and chairs scattered about.

Jeno had to acknowledge that if impending doom was coming upon them, then they would probably remain untouched from where they were. Even though he was surrounded by people he didn’t know, and the dusty neglected furniture was making his allergies act up.

Jeno was currently crouched on a motheaten duvet in the corner of the cellar. Doyoung was seated next to them, and in front of them was a small and partially crushed grocery store cake that they had bought on the way here.

Today, Jeno finally turned 16. He had been planning his birthday party for months prior. He would have gone into Phoenix with all his friends; Yeri, Jaemin, Yeeun, everybody. He had planned for them to have dinner at his favorite hotpot restaurant before going to see a concert afterwards. It was supposed to be the greatest birthday he had ever had.

He had been scheduled to take the test at his local MVD to receive his driver’s permit the next day. His dad was going to let him drive their old pick up truck home.

Now none of that would be happening, and he was instead celebrating his birthday with just his brother at his side, in the corner of a stranger’s cold musty basement.

Doyoung began to sing happy birthday, his voice laced with pity and sorrow, and Jeno’s eyes began to prickle with tears.

  
  


**August 15, 2057; A cliff near camp**

**T+1,208 days since nuclear annihilation **

Jeno hadn’t realized how being alone for so long had made him ten times more impatient. 

Tuesdays were supposed to be for taking inventory. It was always reserved for taking stock of every tool and supply in camp, and so far… that was not happening. 

Jeno had set straight to work with the sunrise, leaving a softly sleeping Renjun wrapped in blankets. He knew that the rapidly rising heat of the day would soon drag Renjun out of the stuffy car, so he left the boy be. 

Sure enough, maybe half an hour later while Jeno was in the middle of organizing his dried rations, Renjun dragged himself out of the car shelter, whining for Jeno’s assistance. Jeno, of course, relented.

“C’mon,” Jeno grunted as he tugged the boy up so he could lean against Jeno. “Do you want a change of clothes?” He had realized that morning that the other boy had been wearing the same clothes since they’d gotten here. Jeno didn’t have many clothes himself, but he would feel terrible if he didn’t offer an alternative to Renjun’s dirty, bloodstained clothes.

Renjun was reluctant at first, but he finally conceded to a change of clothes. Jeno gave him his oldest and smallest t-shirt and pair of jeans, but the clothes still swam on the smaller boy. Jeno smiled at the sight.

“Alright then. Let’s get you breakfast and change your bandages, and then I’m putting you to work, freeloader.” Jeno said.

Renjun groaned, but followed Jeno nonetheless.  
  
  


They were able to maintain decent productivity until about noon, when Renjun came across Jeno’s old ukulele. He had moved on from his original job of testing batteries and was cleaning off some of Jeno’s older possessions.

“Jeno.” Renjun chirped from his spot in the sand. Jeno looked up to see a curious smile. “Can you play?” He held up the dusty ukulele.

“Yes. But it’s old and terribly out of tune,” Jeno said in an attempt to shut down any ideas the other boy might be having. Renjun hummed and was silent for a few minutes, his brows furrowed in thought.

“Y’know, it’s about lunchtime,” Renjun starts, “and maybe we could take a break for a little bit. Maybe you can tune this and play for me a little.” He added in a weary sigh. “I’m really tired.”

It was silent for a few minutes, then Jeno huffed. Renjun smiled like he knew he had already won.  
  


Which led them to their current predicament. He had been persuaded by Renjun to bring their lunch up to the top of the cliff that overlooked Jeno’s camp, and most of the plain in which it was situated. Of course, with Renjun’s injured leg, this meant more piggybacking for Jeno, except this time uphill. 

They reached their destination when the sun was exactly above them in the sky. Jeno flopped on the smooth rock face at the edge of the cliff, soaked with sweat while Renjun began on the lunch, happily munching on a box of crackers. 

Jeno had long since deemed the boy not a threat; he was significantly smaller than Jeno in terms of size, and seemed more sweet and naive than anything. Jeno was still wary, as he barely knew Renjun, but he had decided to let at least some of his guard down around the boy with the sparkly eyes and gentle features. 

Even the way he was now devouring a package of hostess cupcakes exuded harmlessness. His eyes were closed in pleasure and he had a small smile on his face. Renjun looked as if he had never had a treat like this in his life.

“Do you not have hostess cupcakes where you’re from?” Jeno asked with a chuckle. Renjun shrugged, finishing his mouthful of food before responding.

“There are a lot of people that need to be fed,” he says, “so even just having enough for everyone is difficult, let alone making it tasty.” Renjun licked some excess frosting from his lips. 

“Besides, most of our food is made up of vegetables grown in our solar-powered farms. Tastes like shit, but I suppose it’s pretty healthy.” Renjun wrinkles his nose as if the very thought of the underground produce brought unpleasant memories.

They sat in silence for a bit. Jeno found it quite comfortable, as he had found Renjun wasn’t an incredibly talkative person, and he himself was still getting accustomed to having someone to hold a conversation with.

Still, Jeno had many questions about Renjun that had yet to be asked.

“How’d you even get to this… fallout community?” Jeno queried.

“My parents are quite paranoid people, so they were one of the many families who invested in a spot in one of the bunker communities, before all this. I’ll always be thankful for the opportunity to be one of the few that survived, but y’know, of course living there comes with its problems.” Renjun huffed a laugh. “The whole thing was thrown together last minute. Not to mention that the people who help run the place are just as scared and confused as the rest of us.”

Jeno nodded. No one had really truly been prepared for this mass devastation, for the magnitude of destruction that this event had brought upon them all. 

“What about you?” Renjun asked. “How’d you survive?”

Jeno contemplated his words. “Similar to you.” He finally responded. “My dad knew someone who had been preparing for this kind of thing for years. We lived in his cellar for a few years with a couple other families.”

Renjun grimaced. “One basement? For years?”

Jeno nodded, a grim smile on his face. “I’m damn glad to be out of there. God knows where the other families ended up after we left. I certainly wouldn’t care to know.”

Renjun nodded. He looked like he had more he wanted to ask, but he instead turned back to the ukulele sitting next to him, and the excited grin returned to his face. He grabbed the instrument and thrust it into Jeno’s arms.

“Play.” He commanded.

Renjun’s eyes sparkled hopefully. The dry desert wind rustled his midnight black hair, and the corners of his lips danced in a small smile as if pulled by invisible strings. The sight of this boy, alive and warm and breathing, stirred something inside Jeno. The innocent hopefulness that pooled in Renjun’s eyes seemed to spill out and fill Jeno’s chest.

“What would you like to hear?” Jeno smiled as he carefully tuned his dusty old ukulele.   
  


Slowly over the next couple weeks, Jeno became accustomed once again to sharing his space and daily routine with someone else. Accommodating Renjun became less of a chore everyday, and more of a habit. 

Every day at sunrise, Jeno would drag a drowsy Renjun out of bed to prepare breakfast before it became too hot for a fire. They would eat in a comfortable silence as the sky lightened around them and the rapidly rising temperature signalled the start of a new day. 

Once breakfast was over, Jeno started in on basic chores, enlisting Renjun’s help wherever the boy could, considering his still injured leg. From there, what they did for the rest of the day depended on which day of the week it was.

On Thursday, Jeno introduced Renjun to Bongsik when the cat decided to pay a visit to their camp. Watching Renjun attempt to pet the stray with barely harnessed fascination provided Jeno with endless entertainment.  
  
  


The second Monday, Renjun taught Jeno to shoot.

They finished food prep early, so the pair was left with plenty of extra time. Renjun’s injury had healed enough that he was able to walk on his own at this point, and was using the extra time to explore the area in and around Jeno’s camp.

Jeno was curled up in the shade of the cliff, reading a book about the history of the southwestern US he had found at a highway visitor’s center. He was fully immersed in a chapter about the Mexican-American war (which honestly, he couldn’t care less about) when Renjun arrived at his side, toting two of Jeno’s firearms.

And if Renjun popping up unexpectedly wasn’t enough to spook Jeno, then the sight of the two large guns sure was.

“Jesus, Renjun,” Jeno huffed, scrambling to his feet. “How the hell did you find those?”

Renjun tilted his head to the side like a confused puppy. “I was exploring. Duh.”

“Duh.” Jeno repeated.

“Anyways,” Renjun continued without a hitch, “I saw these and I was wondering how well you shoot.”

“Well, I’ve never actually… needed to use them. Thankfully.”

Renjun’s eyes bugged out. “You mean you have all these, and you don’t actually know how to use them?” he asked incredulously. 

“Well, it’s not like I  _ like  _ guns.” Jeno was beginning to feel indignant. “I only have them just in case. I don’t actually want to use them.”

“Well if you were to ever need to use one, I wouldn’t want you to shoot yourself in the foot.” With that, Renjun set off with purpose, the guns still in his arms. Jeno had the feeling that he should follow him so he shot to his feet and followed hot on Renjun’s heels.

“What are you implying?” Jeno asked. “Do  _ you  _ know how to shoot, hotshot?”

“Yes, actually, I do.”

This caught Jeno by surprise. Absolutely no offense to Renjun, but he looked like someone who would be knocked over by recoil after one attempt with a gun.

Renjun seemed to read his mind on that, and rolled his eyes. “Yes, I know, crazy. But just because I’m built like a twig doesn’t mean I don’t know how to defend myself.” He set the guns down in the dust, and turned to Jeno. “I would show you my proficiency with mixed martial arts, but I don’t think It’d end well for you.”

Jeno shivered, successfully silenced.

“Today I’m going to teach you to shoot.” the smaller boy proclaimed, a devilish gleam in his eye.

Renjun carefully began loading the two guns he had brought out, and frankly Jeno was beginning to feel quite terrified. These were military grade assault rifles that his dad had managed to recover to keep the family safe. Jeno found them quite unnecessary, but he kept them anyway.

“When did you even learn how to shoot?” Jeno asked skeptically as he was handed a loaded gun. He held it away from his body like it was contagious.

“Advantages of living in a huge bunker where everyone fears for their life.” Renjun responded, hoisting his own gun. “They pretty much put us all through military training.”

“Eww.” Jeno responded.

Renjun shrugged. “I guess so. But it is nice knowing you’re prepared.”

“I’m prepared in every way other than this.” Jeno said, indicating to his gun.

“And that’s what we’re here for today!” Renjun put on a cheerful coach voice as he began guiding Jeno through the motions. He guided Jeno’s hands with his own, showing him where to put his fingers and how to hold the gun under his arm. Jeno tried to focus on Renjun’s voice and not on how soft his hands were.

“Now look through here, line it up with the can on that rock I set up.” Renjun explained, his hands now resting on Jeno’s shoulder. Jeno wasn’t sure if the hands were relaxing him or making him feel more anxious.

“Once you have it lined up, just like that—”

“Like this?”

“Yes, but keep your elbows down.”

Jeno readjusted. The barrel of the gun felt heavy in his hands, and hot like it was going to burn him. The nerves made his stomach feel like it was rearranging itself. He hated guns. He hated the sound they made, he hated—

“Jeno calm down, it’s ok. It’s just practice.”

It was then that Jeno realised he had completely zoned out, and his hands had begun to shake. Renjun looked at him with concern in his eyes.

“We can stop if you want.” he asked gently.

“No no, I’m fine. Just not used to it.” Jeno responded gruffly, only slightly embarrassed. “Just show me what I need to do.”

Renjun continued, a little more hesitant this time.

He moved Jeno’s fingers until one hand was curled around the barrel and the other was poised at the trigger. This much was common sense and Jeno probably could’ve done it himself, but he preferred the way that Renjun was gently guiding him.

“Alright, I trust you’re able to find the can through the sight.” Renjun shifted back on his heels, letting go of Jeno’s shoulders and giving him some space as he prepared to shoot. Jeno resented the loss of the warm presence behind him, but he refocused on glaring down the length of the gun at the can a few hundred yards in front of him. 

“Remember to take a deep breath in and out before you shoot. It actually significantly improves your accuracy.” Jeno followed Renjun’s directions and tried to will his hands to stop shaking. He squeezed one eye shut, wiggled one finger over the trigger, and—

_ Bang! _

The echoing shot rang through Jeno’s head, and he didn’t even wait to see the fate of the can before he dropped the gun in front of him. His lungs felt like they were full of cotton balls. He had hoped he would never have to hear that sound again, but alas.

Renjun looked like he wanted to push Jeno to try it one more time, but lucky for Jeno he decided otherwise, because he just smiled and patted Jeno on the back.  
  
  


The rest of the week passed by in a breeze. Renjun, who turned out to be an artist, was thrilled to see that Jeno owned some art supplies, and showed him how to paint with them. In turn, Jeno taught Renjun how to cook some of his favorite survival dishes, and woke him up before sunrise to exercise. Exercising had always been an essential part of Jeno’s routine, and he figured that some gentle exercise would help in Renjun’s recovery. 

It was now the second Saturday Renjun had been at Jeno’s camp. The two were seated around a gently crackling fire, feasting on a canned vegetable and ramen stir fry that Renjun had helped to make.

Jeno glanced up from his food for a moment to watch as the other boy wolfed down his food. Renjun always ate like it was his last meal, and Jeno couldn’t say he blamed him, for that was never an improbability. 

His eyes panned down to the leg Renjun had injured two weeks ago. They had removed his stitches on Thursday, and now all that was left was a long, thin scar down Renjun’s leg. It was still quite pink, but was healing better than Jeno could have ever hoped. 

“So,” Renjun said suddenly, startling Jeno out of his trance, “Tomorrow is Sunday.”

“Yes,” Jeno responded, “We should start planning what we—”

“I think I’m ready to go back home.”

Jeno’s heart plummeted to his feet. He had completely forgotten that this whole situation was temporary. He had nearly forgotten the arrangement they had made a couple weeks ago, that Renjun would stay until he was well enough to return home. 

Jeno had known that their time together would have an expiration date, he just hadn’t expected it to come so soon.

“Well, I should come with you,” Jeno proposed, grasping for straws. “Your leg is still weak and recovering. I wouldn’t want you to travel on your own.

“Jeno it’s really alright.” Renjun tried to reassure him. “That would be a whole lot of trouble for you—”

“I don’t think it’d be any trouble at all.” Jeno sent a pleading look towards Renjun, hoping the other boy would grasp every unspoken word that came with it. “Please, Renjun.”

Renjun stared back, looking uncertain. He must have finally understood that Jeno wouldn’t budge, however, for he simply sighed, a gentle smile gracing his face as he let his shoulders fall.

“I suppose some company on the road wouldn’t be too bad.” He finally said. Jeno nodded resolutely, forcing back a smile.

And with that, the decision was made. Jeno would accompany Renjun on his journey home. It was then and there, over the quickly cooling food and the glowing spirals of their campfire, that a plan was made. Jeno quickly ran over what they would need to bring along, and if it was feasible to carry. They came to the conclusion that anything they couldn’t bring along or didn’t have at camp could be picked up on their way.

When the fire finally became just glowing embers and a proper plan had been hatched, the pair retired to the volkswagen. Jeno had Renjun help pack as much as they could before going to sleep, so that they could get an early start the next day.

It was only when their things were sitting in neat bundles at the end of the car and a sleeping Renjun was tucked into his side that Jeno realized just what he had packed. The necessities were there, along with every personal memento that had any significant value to him. He really hadn’t meant to, but he was packed as if he’d never return. 

_ Maybe he wouldn’t. Who knows.  _ Jeno turned on his side, and curled into the warmth radiating from the boy beside him. Life was different than it was years and years ago. Nothing was tying him down to this place besides a need to rest his head somewhere. If he wanted to follow this boy to the ends of the earth, then he could, and nothing was stopping him.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to follow my twitter @princehuangss for updates!!


	3. iii. brighter than the brightest stars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoy this chapter! not much crazy happens but the plot will definitely be picking up soon. it's just kinda fluffy. hmm on twitter or curious cat to let me know if you're reading, or what you think of the story so far! @princehuangss
> 
> Chapter Title Inspiration: California by Lana Del Rey

**September 15, 2055; The Basement**

**T+509 days since nuclear annihilation**

Jeno stood on the tips of his toes so his eyes could reach the dusty window that sat near the ceiling of the bunker. It was barely much larger than a cinder block, but it was enough for Jeno to get a proper view of the outside.

It looked normal enough out there, from what Jeno could gather. The sky was just as blue as he had remembered it to be, and the wind was gently blowing up little clouds of dust. He could even see cactuses standing tall and proud, just like they had always been.

Everything seemed to be just as he had left it, so why was he so nervous to leave this place? He had been waiting for his chance to leave this bunker for the year and half he was there. Now that it was within reach though, it felt different.

“Jeno, come on. You’ll be fine. We’ll have to leave eventually.”

Jeno tore his eyes away from the window to glance at his brother Doyoung, who had just spoken. Doyoung had always been the more nervous and protective one between the two of them, so it was strange for their roles to be reversed.

Jeno sighed, finally relenting, and grabbed his small bag of personal belongings from the floor beside him. His nerves felt like barbed wire strung throughout his body, and his heart was lodged firmly in his throat. He grabbed Doyoung’s outstretched hand, and the older boy squeezed Jeno’s hand softly.

“Nothing will happen to you, I promise. Dad and I are here to protect you.”

_ I’m 17, I don’t need to be protected,  _ Jeno almost said, until he stopped himself. There was no need to try and prove his bravery when Doyoung knew exactly how scared Jeno felt, and wouldn’t judge him. Jeno hated to admit it, but Doyoung’s words made him feel a lot better, and he knew it was the same for his older brother. Doyoung had taken his role as older brother very seriously this past year and a half, and Jeno wasn’t about to take that away from him.

Jeno took the last few hesitant steps towards the exit of the basement where his father was holding the heavy doors ajar. He took one last sweeping glance of the basement behind him, hoping to burn it into his memory. As much as he had hated it down there, it had been his home; it had been all he knew for what felt like forever.

Mrs. Park was sitting over by the faded green armchair, her three year old cradled in her lap. Jeno felt an insurmountable sadness whenever he looked at the child, knowing that he’d never know the normal life that Jeno and so many others had once lived. Mrs. Park smiled at him, face full of concern and reassurance, and Jeno had to turn away before he started to cry.

_ There’s no going back now,  _ Jeno thought as he took one last deep breath of the stuffy basement air, and climbed the stairs with Doyoung at his side.

When Jeno stepped outside, he was instantly blinded as the sun hit his face for the first time in well over a year. The hot desert wind pushed back Jeno’s hair, and dirt and rocks crunched under his feet with every step he took.

Jeno looked around at all the space that was now his. He could run in any direction he wished, and not a single wall could stop him. So that’s what he did. He took off in the direction of the slowly rising sun without a single glance back. He barely took note of the sound of Doyoung laughing and taking off after him. 

As adrenaline pumped through his veins and the feeling of freedom finally tangible, Jeno let out a loud, triumphant laugh.

_ It doesn’t matter that I don’t have a home to return to,  _ Jeno thought,  _ this is more than enough. _

  
  
  


**August 27, 2057; The Arizona Interstate**

**T+ 1,220 days since nuclear annihilation**

Renjun trudged faithfully through the store’s aisles behind Jeno, arms filling rapidly with items that Jeno plucked from the shelves. They had stopped on their way to replenish everything that they didn’t have at camp. This Sunday was originally the day they were supposed to go out for supplies anyway, so a quick stop at a supermarket was much needed.

As usual Jeno took every step with care, just in case they were to have a run in with anyone dangerous. He always felt jittery when venturing away from camp, so this whole journey was already leaving him incredibly unsettled.

Renjun, however, didn’t seem to be sharing quite the level of concern that Jeno felt. He strutted around the store with ease, not even bothering to look where his feet were stepping or to peek around corners as he walked. It was probably the two massive semi-automatic rifles strapped to his back, Jeno figured. He still didn’t understand how the other boy had convinced him to let him bring them along. Renjun, he had found, could be very persuasive.

When he felt he had grabbed everything they needed, Jeno glanced back at Renjun’s armfuls, scanning over all they had to make sure he wasn’t forgetting anything. 

They were on their way out of the store with their new supplies when Jeno felt the bag on his back being opened and something being stuffed inside very quickly. He glanced back at Renjun who wore the most ridiculous expression of forced nonchalance he had ever seen.

Jeno chuckled. “What’d you put in there?”

Renjun glanced away very quickly. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Keep walking.”

“No, I don’t think I will.” A mischievous grin made its way onto Jeno’s face as he knelt down and opened up his bag. He let out a cackle when he saw what was sitting on top.

Just slightly squashed, a box of hostess cupcakes was stuffed atop the other supplies.

Renjun’s face was beginning to redden as Jeno doubled over with laughter. “Alright, alright!” He shoved at Jeno’s shoulder with little force. “I just— they’re really good.” Renjun whined.

Jeno’s chest warmed a little at the smaller boy’s words, an unexplainable wave of fondness sweeping over him. He responded with a gentle smile and placed the box of cupcakes back into his bag.

“It’s fine Junnie,” Jeno reassured, “You can keep them.”

Jeno only realized that he had let the nickname slip when Renjun’s blush deepened, and his eyebrows furrowed into an embarrassed pout. “Whatever.” He mumbled, and dragged Jeno the rest of the way out of the store.  
  
  


The night before they had left, Jeno had stayed up much later than he should have, attempting to calculate just how long their trip would be, incorporating rest breaks and sleeping, if they took the most direct and connected route along the interstate. Renjun had only laughed at him, saying, “What’s the hurry? We kind of have all the time in the world.”

Jeno had frowned before glancing at the boy at his side. “I thought you didn’t want your family to worry by taking too long?”

Renjun rolled his eyes. “Yeah, but I doubt they’d know the difference if I were to show up 2 days from now or 3 days.”

Then Renjun had pulled a very reluctant Jeno down so that he was laying beside him. “Go to sleep,” the smaller boy had mumbled sleepily, forcing Jeno’s eyes shut with his fingers, and that had been that.

Jeno realized that, of course, Renjun had been right. They were travelling at their own pace, taking a break when they felt like it, stopping for the night as soon as they got tired. Renjun soon found out how easy it was to make Jeno laugh, and was soon pelting him with a barrage of terrible jokes. They kept each other entertained by stories from their lives.

Jeno learned much more about Renjun. He learned that his mother was an artist and his father was an author. He had spent many hours as a small child with his mother watching her work, which was where he got his love for painting. He had a sister, Jiayi, who was seven years younger than him, and his two best friends from his childhood were named Jisung and Chenle, who were also at the bunker. Renjun spoke about them with stars in his eyes, voice wistful as he told Jeno about how they were probably waiting for him anxiously. 

In return, Jeno told Renjun about his own back story. He explained how he was actually from Los Angeles, and had been born there to his father, a lawyer, and his mother, a real estate agent. They had gotten a divorce when Jeno was 12 and his older brother Doyoung was 16, and after his father won full custody of them, he moved them out to Phoenix. 

“I haven’t seen her since.” Jeno said softly. The flat open desert stretched in front of them for what looked like forever. The sun was just beginning its descent towards the horizon, not quite low enough for dramatic reds and golds to appear, but just low enough to cast a dreamlike filter on Renjun’s face where he walked beside Jeno.

“I have no idea where she is, or if she’s even alive. And there’s a good chance I may never know.” Jeno knew that if he were to continue speaking he would start to cry, so he stopped.

It was peacefully silent for a long couple of moments before Renjun reached down to gently take Jeno’s hand in his own. Jeno jumped at the sudden contact, but didn’t move away. Renjun’s soft skin and small fingers made something in his chest warm.

“Don’t think like that.” Renjun’s voice was softer than he had ever heard it, but at the same time it sounded so firm and sure. “It’s not impossible. We’re making this journey, right? How much more difficult could getting to California be?”

Jeno made a small nod of his head, and Renjun continued. “Maybe… maybe I can even come with you? When I get back I could ask to go out again, and help you find your mom. How does that sound?”

Jeno chuckled softly. “You’d do that for me?”

Renjun’s eyes were brimming with determination. “Of course. You’re my friend now, Lee Jeno, and I would do anything for my friends. You can just ask Chenle and Jisung when we get back.”

“Okay,” Jeno smiled, then added a small, “Thank you.”

Renjun didn’t respond with words, simply linking his arm with Jeno’s and pressing closer to his side.

  
  
  


They kept walking, and didn’t stop until they finally found a somewhat sheltered area to spend the night, which happened to be a slightly hollowed out area in a rock formation along the side of the highway. By the time they stopped, the sun had long since set, and a blanket of stars now lighting up the sky.

That was one small thing to appreciate about all this, Jeno thought as he helped Renjun roll out their blankets. When he was living in LA and Phoenix he never got a glimpse of the stars. The night sky, polluted by billions of city lights, took on an artificial purple tint, no stars in sight. It was the most surreal experience in the world when, on the first night out of the basement shelter, he stared up at the plethora of stars for the first time, all glittering and glowing and looking much like the grains of sand on the beaches of LA.

Renjun looked up at Jeno when he noticed him pause from the task. He followed Jeno’s eyes up to the sky, and smiled.

“They’re beautiful, aren’t they?” He murmured, also stopping what he was doing, pulling himself and Jeno down onto the blankets until they were both lying on their backs. “My family would often go camping when I was small, and one of my favorite parts about it was watching the stars. I didn’t get to see them for the longest time, when we went into the bunker.”

Jeno glanced over at Renjun, taking in the misty look in his eyes. He stayed silent, taking the smaller hand in his.

“Some nights, when I was feeling particularly anxious or confused,” Renjun continued, “I would cry myself to sleep thinking about the stars. Sometimes I wondered if they were even still there. The first night after I was sent out on this mission, I stayed up the whole night just watching them.”

The longer Jeno watched the sky, the more it looked as if the stars were moving. Swimming around the sky, making it feel as if he and Renjun weren’t the only ones alive in the world. He scooched closer to Renjun, pressing his side against the other boy and letting the heat of his body fill him with a serene sense of home.

“Did you know that the first time I saw stars like this was when my family and I first got out of the basement?” Jeno whispered. At his words Renjun abruptly sat up and stared him in the eyes incredulously. 

“You mean, for the first, what— 17 years of your life you  _ never  _ saw the stars?!”

Jeno nodded. “Lived in two big cities all my life, remember?”

“Oh, right.” Renjun looked a little sad for a moment, before he smiled and glanced back at Jeno again. Jeno swore that his smile glowed a little, just like the stars. “Well at least you can see them now, right?”

“Exactly.”

Comfortable silence enveloped them for a while. They laid there, for what could have been a few minutes or a few hours, just watching the stars glimmer above them, revelling in each other’s warmth.

Jeno was shaken out of his reverie when Renjun raised their joined hands between them, and just then Jeno remembered that they had never disjoined their hands in the first place. His face warmed a little at the thought. It became even more flushed, however, at Renjun’s next words. 

“Jeno,” he began, quiet and hesitant, “Have you ever… kissed anyone before?”

Jeno struggled to maintain his composure as he heard that Renjun sounded as nervous as he felt.

“No, not really,” Jeno stated frankly, “I was barely 16 going into this. I was just an awkward kid and I— well, I never got the chance.

There were many things he hadn’t done, achievements and goals that he had dreamed of. Things that he now would never be able to achieve. Getting his driver’s license, going to his dream college, getting his first job— the list went on and on and sent a stab of sorrow through his heart. He, too, had dreamed of his first kiss, his first boyfriend or girlfriend like any young, hopeful kid his age.

“I never got the chance, either. Well, I was kind of a loser before this, anyway, so I’m not even sure when it would have happened, Apocalypse or not.” Renjun snorted.

Jeno couldn’t help but chuckle at Renjun’s words. “What are you talking about? You’re a catch, surely someone would have wanted to kiss you.”

Instead of laughing along like Jeno expected, Renjun stayed silent.

“Do you really mean that?” He asked. “Am I... a catch?”

Jeno smiled at how innocently the boy asked it. “Yeah, I suppose.” Then, without thinking, he blurted out, “D’you wanna, uhh… try it?”

As soon as the words left Jeno’s mouth, he wanted to scream internally.  _ Curse him and his non-existent filter.  _

Renjun yanked his hand back in surprise, which made Jeno’s heart drop, but then he spoke again, sounding nervous.

“Try what? Kissing?”

Well, it was too late to back out now, Jeno supposed. Might as well follow through. “I mean— yeah.”

To his surprise, Renjun pulled himself into a sitting position with a determined expression. “I’d like that,” he responded.

It was so awkward, so clumsy and unfamiliar that Jeno would be cringing hard enough to send himself into orbit, if it wasn’t for the violent beating of his heart. He gently pulled Renjun until he was straddling Jeno’s lap, gazing down into Jeno’s eyes with an unrecognizable expression. He stared at Jeno as if he was trying to commit his face to memory, painting him on a canvas in his head.

Jeno’s hands were shaking like leaves as he placed them carefully on Renjun’s waist.

“Is this ok?” He asked carefully, and Renjun only nodded, placing his own hands on Jeno’s cheeks. They were slightly clammy, but Jeno hardly cared at this point. 

He couldn’t even remember how long they spent just staring at each other before Renjun finally took the initiative, surging forward and gently placed his lips on Jeno’s.

It was short, nothing more than a quick peck, but it was enough to knock the breath out of Jeno. Renjun seemed to feel the same, if the wide eyes were anything to go by.

Neither of them even stopped to say anything before leaning back in, lips meeting in the middle. It was messy and kind of gross, Jeno will admit. Tongues and lips unfamiliar and unsure where to go, teeth clashing occasionally and breaths becoming more and more labored. None of that stopped them though. They kissed like it truly was their last day on earth; Jeno grasped at the back of Renjun’s shirt as if the boy in his arms would float away if he wasn’t careful. He chased the new feelings that flooded him, the dizziness in his head and the warmth pooling in his stomach.

They kissed until they couldn’t breathe, and had to pull back to gasp for air. Even then, they continued as soon as they had let just a little air into their lungs. Jeno didn’t let his brain wander anywhere, didn’t even ponder on what this would mean for them afterwards, his mind only repeating  _ Renjun, Renjun, Renjun,  _ over and over.

After an inescrutable amount of time, Renjun finally pulled back for the final time, collapsing onto the blanket next to Jeno. Exhaustion from the long day of walking and their impromptu make out session finally swamped them, settling over them like a thick haze. Jeno’s eyelids felt like lead weights, and he was just about to let them fall shut when he heard Renjun shuffle beside him, turning on his side to face Jeno. Jeno turned his head to look at the boy, whose eyelids were drooping with the same fatigue as Jeno, but they also held warmth and fondness.

“Thank you,” Renjun whispered, words slightly slurred.

Jeno, too tired to respond with words of his own, sent him the most comforting smile he could.

Not a minute or so later, sleep finally overcame Jeno, his eyes falling shut and dreams of smiling boys and soft lips filling his head.

  
  



	4. iv. when the world gets too heavy, put it on my back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am back much sooner than I thought, I guess I was extra inspired for this chapter :D Hope you enjoy!
> 
> Chapter title inspiration: Always by Panic! at the Disco

**October 4, 2055; The Arizona Desert**

**T+528 days since nuclear annihilation**

“Here Jeno, drink some more water.” 

Doyoung shoved the half empty canteen into Jeno’s hands. Jeno looked up at him with uncertainty, and opened his mouth to refute, but was cut off.

“Just take some Jeno, don’t argue with me.” Doyoung admonished. His voice was harsh, but Jeno could see the concern swimming in his eyes. “Dad and I have had plenty of water, and we can’t have you drop dead out here from dehydration.”

Jeno glanced back at Doyoung in horror, and their father sighed from where he was marching along in front of them.

“Doyoung, don’t scare the boy. We’ll find somewhere to stop for the night soon.”

Doyoung rolled his eyes. “It’s not my fault he’s an idiot with no sense of self-preservation.”

“Hey!”

Their father looked like he was about to open his mouth again, probably to say something along the lines of  _ quit it you two, or I’ll leave the both of you out here to shrivel up in the sun,  _ but he stopped in his tracks as they rounded a plateau of rock and the land dropped off steeply.

At the bottom of the drop-off, the land curved into a small valley in between two rocky cliffs. The cliff sides sent plenty of shade over the valley, and protection from any potential threat, weather or otherwise.

“Well,” their father stated proudly, “I think we’ve found where we’ll stop for the night.”

Jeno and Doyoung both nodded, before Doyoung slowly moved his gaze over to Jeno. A mischievous grin stretched across his face as he said, “Race you.”

No further words were needed. Jeno barely got in a nod of affirmation before Doyoung took off down the incline. Jeno raced after him, cackling and shouting, “Hey, no fair! You got a head start!”

“No I didn’t!” Doyoung shouted, breath labored. They both came careening down into the valley, Doyoung slightly ahead. They were both going at such a ridiculous velocity that as soon as Doyoung came to an abrupt stop, Jeno was sent flying into his older brother’s back before falling flat on his ass. 

“Dude, what the hell? Why’d you stop?” Jeno groaned, pulling himself to his feet and brushing the dust off his bruised butt.

Doyoung didn’t respond, instead staring curiously at the other end of the clearing. Jeno followed his gaze and his eyes fell on a strangely shaped dusty mound. His curiosity was effectively piqued, and did not hesitate to follow after his brother to go investigate.

As they got closer, Jeno could tell that the mound was actually an abandoned, overturned car, despite it being covered with layers and layers of sand and dirt.

“Hey Dad! Come over here, look at this!” Doyoung shouted, and soon enough their father came shuffling over, looking just as curious.

“Well, would you look at that?” he said as he approached the car. He brushed a hand over the hood, sending dirt flying into the air to reveal a faded yellow coat of paint. “A Volkswagen Beetle. I wonder how it ended up down here.”

Their father immediately set his pack that he was carrying off to the side, and got straight to work brushing the sand and dirt off the car. Jeno and Doyoung immediately moved to do the same. 

“You know,” said their father, “This little valley is a great area for shelter, and I reckon that we could turn this car into somewhere great to sleep or store our things. I’m not saying that we stay here forever, but we could definitely use a good break from walking for a while.”

Doyoung, who Jeno knew was absolutely sick and tired of walking, breathed a sigh of relief. “That sounds really nice,” he agreed, before turning to Jeno.

“Jeno? What do you think?”

The idea of settling down, at least for a little bit, sounded like heaven to Jeno. He could imagine cooking food over a fire right there in the middle, reading books with Doyoung in that little alcove over there, and maybe even climbing to the top of the cliff and listening to Dad play his ukulele. So without hesitation, Jeno smiled and nodded.

“Yeah, I like the sound of that too.”

  
  
  
  


**August 28, 2057; The Arizona Interstate**

**T+1,221 days since nuclear annihilation**

As usual Jeno rose with the sun, bright and early. As soon as he had sat up and was watching the rays begin to peak over the horizon, his stomach let out a painful grumble. That made him realize that  _ shit,  _ he and Renjun never ate dinner last night. They had been so caught up with sucking each other’s faces off; Jeno’s face burned red hot at the memory.

He quickly glanced over at the smaller boy who was still fast asleep beside him. One hand that had been curled gently into Jeno’s jacket had fallen to the ground when Jeno sat up. The look on Renjun’s face as he slept was so soft and serene, that he almost looked like a doll, or at least several years younger than he actually was.

Jeno’s stomach swirled with something other than hunger as he looked at Renjun, some feeling he could not distinguish. He had no idea what they should do about the kiss from the night before, or what it meant for them. Had anything changed, or was it truly just wanting the experience of having kissed someone?

Jeno, for one, had no idea which one he preferred, and the thought of asking Renjun terrified him to no end, so he made the executive decision to just ignore it for now. They had more pressing things to worry about anyway. For example, making good time on this trip.

Jeno began preparing something for them to eat so that as soon as Renjun woke up, they could eat, pack up, and be out of there. Less time for them to sit around and stew over the events from the night before. Jeno took one last glance back at Renjun, and his eyes automatically fell to his lips. They were just as soft and pink looking as they had been the night before, now slightly parted as Renjun breathed in and out. Jeno shook himself out of his stupor, and gave himself a weak slap on the cheek.  _ We can’t think about that right now, stupid,  _ his brain supplied, and Jeno turned his focus back to the food.

Before long, Renjun was awake and sitting next to Renjun with his breakfast in his lap. It turns out that he had been just as hungry as Jeno, if the way he wolfed down his food was anything to go by.    
  
  
  


After they had finished their food, the two boys made quick work of packing up their things and getting ready to leave. Neither boy spoke much at all, and while the silence wasn’t particularly uncomfortable, there were unspoken thoughts hanging heavily between them. 

They made very good time for the first half of the day, not stopping much at all until they finally reached the New Mexico border in the early afternoon. 

The strange mood from the morning was broken when they approached the border and Renjun ran right up to the massive “ _ Welcome to New Mexico _ ” sign, cheering like he’d just won the lottery. Jeno chuckled, and jogged after him.

“This seems like a good place to stop for lunch, don’t you think?” Jeno asked, swinging off his pack and throwing it down a few meters away from the sign.

“Perfect.” Renjun smiled.

With that, the pair plopped down right in the patch of dead grass beneath the sign. Jeno opened his pack and pulled out the two cans of Chef Boyardee that they had picked up at the grocery store yesterday. Out of all the foods that didn’t require any preparation, Jeno considered this a delicacy, even if they had to eat it at room temperature.

Jeno was so occupied with his delicious canned ravioli that he didn’t notice Renjun rooting around in the side pockets of Jeno’s pack until the other boy let out an excited gasp.

Jeno’s eyes shot up to see Renjun turning an Iron Man action figure over and over in his hands. He felt his cheeks redden in embarrassment for a moment, until he realized that judging by the childlike glee on Renjun’s face, he would probably not be making fun of him for it.

Renjun glanced up at Jeno with such unbridled excitement that he thought the boy might explode. “I was  _ obsessed  _ with Marvel when I was little,” he laughed, holding up the little figure, “I had wanted these exact toys so badly but my parents didn’t let me because they said that I’d just lose them all right away.”

Jeno chuckled at the image in his head of little Renjun begging his parents for superhero action figures. “I was pretty obsessed too,” he said, “I didn’t really have the heart to get rid of it, y’know? So I keep it with me. Holds a lot of fond memories.”

“Didn’t take to you to be the sentimental type, Lee Jeno.” Renjun teased.

“Well, I guess there’s a lot you don’t know about me.”

Renjun nodded. “But I’ve learned a lot these past few days.”

Jeno supposed that he was right. Renjun’s words yet again reminded Jeno that besides his father and brother, he had not opened up this much to anyone since Jaemin, Yeri, and Yeeun, and that had been over three years ago.

  
  
  
  


Jeno and Renjun finished their lunch quite quickly, only chatting a little in between. They were now determined to get as far as they could before sunset, now invigorated by the reaching of an important checkpoint. They kept a diligent pace as they began their hike into New Mexico. The longer they walked along the interstate, the more it seemed that they were entering civilization. Up until now they had been walking through nothing but the sparse desert, but now buildings were finally beginning to pop up around them.

At first it was just a dusty old ranch house here and there, hidden almost completely by grass jungles, but the farther they walked along the road, the closer and closer these structures became to each other. Sure, many were cracking, crumbling, some even completely fallen to the ground, but it told of a town, a community that had once stood there.

Jeno managed to decipher the word ‘Library’ from the faded sign that stood outside an ivy covered brick building. Rusted metal structures stood off to the side, clearly the remains of what had once been a playground. A bittersweet feeling blossomed in Jeno’s chest as he thought of all the young children that had once excitedly climbed those structures. They were gone now, the only sign that they had ever been there were the buildings they left behind, and the well worn road beneath Renjun and Jeno’s feet.

Cracks ran through the road that was now left to nature’s devices. Grass and weeds pushed up through these cracks with vigor, as if mother nature herself was trying to get rid of any signs of human life as quickly as she could. Jeno couldn’t say he blamed her, after all that humans had done to her. He watched as a tumbleweed bounced by, carried along by the eerie, howling wind.

It was closing in on late afternoon by the time Renjun and Jeno entered what had to be the center of the town. Buildings were now packed together like sardines, the main road lined with quaint little shops and businesses. They were all empty and abandoned, but untouched. The pair had passed a thrift shop, a cafe, and a drugstore when Renjun let out a gasp from beside Jeno, rooting himself in front of one of the store fronts.

“Renjun, what is it?” Jeno queried, stopping at Renjun’s side.

“It’s an art store.”

Oh, right. Jeno recalled Renjun telling him how much he enjoyed painting and art, how he had learned it from watching his mother for hours. Watching Renjun’s excited expression, an idea suddenly came to his head.

“You know what? I think we should end early today. Spend the night here.”

“Really? You sure?” Renjun looked up at Jeno, a little shocked. Jeno guessed it was warranted, as for most of the trip so far he had been pretty insistent on walking as long and as quickly as they could.

“Yeah, of course. We’ve already made great time today, so it’ll be fine. Maybe you can grab some of these art supplies and show me what you can do.”

“Okay, yeah!”

Renjun wasted no time bolting in front of Jeno and hopping through the empty doorframe of the art supply shop. Jeno, thoroughly amused by the other boy’s enthusiasm, followed closely behind.

The warm, yellow sunlight of the late afternoon streamed in through the big windows of the shop, illuminating the specks of dust floating in the air. The windows and the glass panes in the front door of the shop were all shattered, but Jeno assumed that that was more an effect of a nuclear blast than vandalism. Jeno didn’t see why anyone fighting for their life would look for supplies in an art shop. 

Jeno began strolling down the aisles as he waited for Renjun to grab what he needed. As he surveyed all the supplies on the shelves, his suspicion that no one had been here before them was confirmed by the untouched state of everything. It was a reminder of how fast the end of the world had descended on the country; those who had warning had wasted no time getting out of there, and those who hadn’t… well.

Jeno reached an area that must have been for children. There were basic sketchbooks with animal designs on the front, and packs of all things Crayola— markers, crayons, colored pencils, you name it. When Renjun’s voice suddenly called out from deeper in the store telling Jeno that he had found everything, Jeno pulled a sketchbook and a pack of pencils off the shelf without thinking.

He found Renjun standing at the back of the store, holding a canvas under one arm, and an array of supplies Jeno couldn’t identify cradled in the other. As Jeno approached, Renjun eyed his kiddy supplies, making Jeno’s face warm. Thankfully he said nothing.

“I think there’s an apartment space above the store,” Renjun said, “we could stay there for the night.”

“Sounds perfect.”

Jeno followed Renjun down the hallway at the back. Sure enough, right at the end was a stairwell that winded upwards. They climbed the stairs, and upon opening the apartment door, Jeno’s face broke into a smile.

Despite everything being covered in a thick layer of the dust and the windows of course missing their glass, everything in the apartment looked exactly as it would have before. There were even empty breakfast dishes filling the sink, and clothes draped over the chair next to the unmade bed. If he focused hard enough, he could imagine that nothing had happened and the world was exactly as it had once been. A scenario grew in Jeno’s head, of him and Renjun moving in together, opening a little art shop below their home.

But that would never happen, so he shook the thought from his head. He was brought back to reality by Renjun grabbing his hand and yanking him over to the sofa. 

“Renjun, what are you—” Jeno was interrupted by Renjun shoving him down onto the couch.

“I’m going to paint you. Sit still.” 

Before Jeno could even get a word in, Renjun had already dragged over the chair from the corner and propped his canvas up against it. He plopped down on the floor in front of it, and carefully arranged his supplies around himself. Jeno was left with not a lot of room to argue, so he accepted his fate, relaxing into the admittedly very comfy sofa he was seated on.

God, it had been awhile since he had been this comfortable. The stuffy basement armchair had nothing on this couch. It had been a good while since he had felt this safe and at home, surrounded by four walls and another kindred soul. Jeno closed his eyes and just let himself absorb the sounds around him— the sound of the gentle wind rustling the leaves outside, of Renjun shuffling about on the floor, pencil gently scratching at his canvas as he hummed a quiet tune.

He must have gotten so comfortable that he nodded off for a bit, because the next time Jeno opened his eyes, the room was bathed in a soft orange with the setting sun. Renjun was still working diligently on the floor, looking even more focused than he had when he started. He had moved on to adding paint to his sketch, his tongue caught between his teeth in concentration.

Jeno let himself get caught up in admiring the way Renjun’s eyebrows were furrowed together in deep concentration, carefully planning out his next brush strokes. The golden light streaming in through the window washed his face in an otherworldly glow, and Jeno wondered for just a moment if Renjun was even real and not a figment of his imagination.

As he watched Renjun work, Jeno was suddenly reminded of the sketchbook and pencils that he had brought from downstairs. He snatched them up and turned to the first page, opening his box of pencils. He would not call himself an artist by any means, but watching Renjun had given him the sudden inspiration to freeze this moment in time.   


Renjun, alerted by Jeno’s sudden movement, glanced up.

“Whatcha doing?” he asked, surveying Jeno’s open sketchbook curiously.

“I’m gonna try and draw something too,” Jeno answered.

Renjun looked as if he liked that answer. “Well, I’m excited to see what you do,” he responded, and turned back to his work, a faint smile still residing in the corners of his mouth.

Jeno pulled a yellow pencil out of his box with newfound determination. He decided to draw everything that he could think of from life as he knew it. He started, of course, with his little shelled out Volkswagen resting in the little valley. Jeno wasn’t sure when he would see it again, but it was his home and his safe place, so it had to be there.

Next to it, he drew his father and Doyoung. Jeno’s heart pulled as he drew in Doyoung’s bright white smile and favorite blue sweater, as well as his father’s salt and pepper hair and crescent eye smile that he had passed down to Jeno. He covered the page with little doodles of everything that made him feel happy and safe. His bedroom back in Phoenix, all his old friends, his old collection of Marvel action figures, everything.

Finally, he carefully sketched in a little figure of Renjun, right in the bottom left corner. He was wearing the worn out old Nirvana t-shirt that Jeno had given him the day they met, and he was proudly clutching Jeno’s iron man action figure.

Jeno grinned down at the page full of little doodles. It wasn’t amazing art by any stretch— the people were mostly stick figures anyway— but he was satisfied nonetheless.

Jeno went back to watching Renjun after that. Thankfully the other boy was still laser focused on his canvas, so Jeno didn’t even have to try and hide the way he stared. As he watched, his mind wandered back to the kiss they shared the night before. Jeno blushed as he recalled the way that he had felt fuzzy and warm all over, Renjun’s soft lips locked with his. It had pretty much been just as amazing as he had hoped; Renjun was a surprisingly good kisser.

Jeno wasn’t sure why he was so scared to dwell on it. He had never felt the way he did now; he had never gotten the chance to fall in love or even have a proper crush. The violent flutter in his stomach and the way his heart picked up whenever he looked at Renjun was completely new.

He was also scared to think about what it might mean if he did harbor some sort of feelings for Renjun. Falling in love now wasn’t the same as falling in love three years ago; this world was dangerous and uncertain and full of pain. Jeno had learned that the hard way.

Renjun suddenly heaved a heavy sigh, shaking Jeno from his thoughts. “My hand hurts, I think I’ll stop here for tonight.” He said as he pulled himself from his seat on the floor. He then looked over to Jeno. “Wanna see it so far?”

Jeno nodded excitedly. Renjun hopped onto the couch, legs crossed, and propped the painting on his lap so Jeno could see. 

The painting was… beautiful. Jeno didn’t have the words to describe it. Maybe he was biased, because nobody had ever made something like this for him, but he can’t remember ever liking a piece of art as much as this.

It was a simple portrait of Jeno’s face, and it was unfinished, only half of the pencil lines being covered with paint. But the way that Renjun had carefully detailed every curve and line in Jeno’s face with all different shades and colors was striking and… Jeno loved it. He felt so fond of Renjun in that moment that he could kiss him again.

Kiss him again…

“I love it,” Jeno whispered, voice taught with emotion, “I really do. It’s gorgeous.”

Renjun blushed, a shy smile adorning his face. “Thank you.” A brief pause, then “Will you show me what you were drawing?”

Jeno suddenly felt the embarrassment come back in full force. “It’s not any actual art like yours, they’re just doodles of things—”

Renjun stopped him with a gentle hand and a fond expression. “Jeno, it’s fine. I’m not gonna go all professional art critique on you or anything.”

So Jeno slowly opened up his sketchbook to the first page. He explained all the little drawings and figures to Renjun, talking about his friends, and his apartment in Phoenix, and Renjun listened closely. He explained the little Renjun in the corner, and real Renjun’s eyes widened.

When Jeno was done, he looked over to find Renjun’s eyes already on him.

“That was lovely Jeno,” Renjun murmured, as if afraid to disturb the gentle atmosphere. “Can— Can I kiss you?”

Jeno froze. A million little butterflies suddenly awoke in his tummy, and his nerves felt like they were on fire. He just managed a stiff nod, but luckily Renjun saw it because not a moment later, the smaller boy’s lips were on his for the second time that week.

God, it had only been a day since they had kissed last, but Jeno had missed it. Renjun’s lips moved with his as if they were meant to be together, like lock and key.

Tonight when they kissed, they moved with more confidence and intention than they had the night before. Jeno pulled Renjun so that he was straddling his lap, never pulling away from his lips to do so.

Jeno’s whole body felt so impossibly warm and light, like he wasn’t even on earth anymore. If he wasn’t, if he had somehow died and gone to heaven, then he wouldn’t have been surprised. This was a pretty convincing heaven.

Renjun stirred a little where he was sitting on Jeno’s lap, sighing into the kiss. It was the most beautiful sound Jeno had ever heard. Jeno pulled away from the kiss for just a moment to catch his breath.

“You’re gorgeous,” Jeno mumbled, as they both gasped for air. “Could kiss you… all day.”

Renjun’s eyes were filled with want, and something deeper. “Jeno, I— I like you so much.”

Jeno only nodded vigorously in response, pulling Renjun back in like a man starved. They kissed for what could have been forever, but Jeno could hardly keep track. He could honestly stay like this forever, in this cute little town that held only them, in this cozy apartment with the sunshine soaked walls, the smell of paints and the sounds of outside and the boy that now held his entire world, seated on his lap.

Jeno had whiplash from how quickly things had changed these past few weeks, how quickly Renjun had made his way into Jeno’s life and etched a permanent place in his heart as well. He had known the boy for only a few weeks, but Jeno would wager that he was already the closest thing he had to a home, his old camp be damned.

Jeno wanted to chase this good feeling to the ends of the earth, he wanted for it never to end. The world could be crumbling down around them, and Jeno didn’t think he would bat an eye. Nothing really mattered much in that moment, besides the boy in front of him and the lips on his own.

They would find a way to make this work. Jeno was sure of it.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahahahah
> 
> talk to me on twitter and curious cat! @princehuangss


	5. v. the sun will rise and we will try again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is way longer than I thought it would be haha but stuff REALLY starts to happen in this chapter so I hope you enjoy! :D
> 
> Chapter title inspiration - Truce by Twenty One Pilots
> 
> also  
SPOILER/TRIGGER WARNING  
..... there's gonna be some violence and maybe d*ath in this chapter so be warned and stay safe!

**August 29, 2057; A small town in New Mexico**

**T+1,222 days since nuclear annihilation**

As per usual, Jeno was the first one to rise the next morning. After gently peeling a still sleeping Renjun from where he was curled into his side, Jeno shuffled over to their packs, pulling out the things needed for a quick breakfast.

The air wafting in from outside held that fresh, dewy smell of morning, still holding a slight chill from the night. The sun was just barely beginning to rise, and Jeno watched as the rays slowly began to creep across the floor like ivy. He let the soft sounds of the early morning wash over him, from the birds calling to each other outside and the hissing of their kettle to Renjun’s gentle breathing from the couch. For a while it was only Jeno up, and as he watched the rise and fall of Renjun’s chest as he slept, he thought about how he would love to spend every morning like this if he could.

Before long, Renjun woke up. He slowly pulled himself into a sitting position, the jacket they had used for a blanket rustling as he did so. He stretched his arms over his head and let out a small yawn, not even aware of Jeno’s eyes focused on him.

“Good morning, sleeping beauty,” Jeno greeted with a fond smile. Renjun jumped as if he had forgotten about Jeno’s presence, but a smile soon overtook his face as well. 

“Morning,” Renjun mumbled. He rolled off the couch and joined Jeno on the floor.

They sat in a comfortable silence for a long time. Jeno poured them both cups of instant coffee, and they drank in silence, eating a healthy breakfast of pop tarts and stale cereal. Renjun was sitting at Jeno’s side, his body lightly pressed against Jeno’s. Jeno revelled in the feeling, and it along with the sunshine on his face warmed his body to the core.

“Are we gonna pretend like last night didn’t happen?” Renjun suddenly whispered, catching Jeno by surprise. Judging by the nervous and guarded tone of Renjun’s voice, that was probably exactly what he didn’t want.

“I don’t think I want to,” Jeno responded, voice in a whisper as well. He put down his pop tart and carefully reached down to grab Renjun’s hand in his. Jeno felt like he couldn’t speak any louder or else he would shatter this fragile moment. “If it’s okay with you, I’d like to kiss you more often.”

Jeno turned to look Renjun in the eyes. The other boy’s face was glowing, as if those words had been exactly what he had wanted to hear.

“I’d really like that,” Renjun murmured, “I really like  _ you _ , Lee Jeno.”

Jeno remembered when Renjun had said almost those exact words the night before, and he had been too swept up in kissing him that he hadn’t responded with his own words.

“I really like you too, Huang Renjun.”

At Jeno’s words, Renjun didn’t waste another moment before crawling into Jeno’s lap and crashing their lips together. It was quick and messy and passionate, and Jeno sighed into the kiss as Renjun ran his fingers through Jeno’s hair. He could feel the smaller boy’s hands shaking, so Jeno reached up to run his hands down Renjun’s back in a way that he hoped was comforting.

All too soon, Renjun pulled away, pressing his forehead against Jeno’s. For a while they just sat there catching their breath and staring into each other’s eyes. 

“Promise me we’ll stay together,” Renjun said, “We’ll get to the bunker, and I’ll introduce you to my family, and Jisung and Chenle, and if you really want we can go back to your camp, and—”

“Renjun,” Jeno interrupted, “I promise. I won’t leave you.”

Jeno was the one to press their lips back together this time, and Jeno let the whole rest of the world fade out until his thoughts were only of Renjun, and his soft lips and gentle hands on Jeno’s neck. Jeno moved his hands from Renjun’s back to his face, carefully cradling it with both hands and running his thumbs along his cheeks. Renjun sighed into the kiss in contentment, and Jeno thought that he had never heard such a beautiful sound.

They kissed until the heat of the sun streaming in through the window became uncomfortable. Jeno realized that it was probably getting pretty late in the morning, and that they should probably be heading on their way. He gently pulled away from Renjun, telling him this, and Renjun agreed.

They packed up their things slowly, both not wanting to leave this silent sanctuary behind. The sunlight lit up the dust particles floating in the air, and the floorboards gently creaked under their feet as they stood in the center of the room one last time. 

Renjun was the first one out the door and Jeno followed closely behind. He paused briefly at the door to take one last glance around the apartment, and Renjun did the same.

“Maybe we can come back here sometime,” He said, “I like it here.”

Jeno nodded in agreement. “Me too,” he said before following Renjun down the stairs.   
  


It didn’t take very long for the two of them to reach the outskirts of town. It seemed, however, that they had left the open nothingness behind for now, because soon they entered another town. This one seemed slightly bigger than the last, the buildings taller and closer together. The empty concrete skeletons of offices and apartment buildings and parking garages loomed all around them, everything coated in a tint of green as moss and ivy slowly took over.

Jeno felt a terrible chill down his spine as they walked beneath an overpass, and the words “THE END IS NEAR” seemed to scream at them in big bold graffiti letters, spray painted onto the concrete walls.  _ The end is already here _ , Jeno thought. 

Jeno found it incredibly difficult to calm his racing heart as they walked deeper and deeper into the city, and the buildings got taller and taller. He hadn’t been in a city this big since leaving Phoenix years ago, and he could only guess how many scary people were waiting around every corner, ready to jump out and attack.

If only he had known how soon his fears would become a reality, then he might’ve asked Renjun if they could steer clear of the city all together.    
  


The sun was just reaching its peak in the sky when it happened. Renjun was almost skipping along in front of Jeno, with the carefree attitude that he always seemed to have. His pack and his two obnoxiously large rifles sat comfortably on his back, bouncing along just a little as he sped from storefront to storefront, exploring excitedly.

Jeno’s stomach was turning with how nervous he felt. He so badly wanted to tell Renjun to slow down and stay at his side, and to be  _ a little more careful,  _ but as it was he felt like a nuisance for worrying so much, so he kept painfully silent.

To be completely truthful, the idea of seeing other people terrified him. Finding Renjun had been scary enough, and that had been only one small, injured, and rather unthreatening boy. The last thing he wanted to encounter was a large band of people, no matter how hostile they were, because it was never good news.

Renjun was busy peeking into the front window of an abandoned bakery when the first gunshot was fired.

The resounding  _ bang _ ! the shot produced echoed throughout the stark, empty streets, shaking Jeno to his core, his heart dropping to his feet. He immediately grabbed onto Renjun, making sure that he had no gunshot wound, before shoving the boy behind his back and turning to face the direction of the noise. His heart was racing at what felt like a thousand beats per minute, and he was shaking so badly that it was becoming difficult to stand.

Four men stepped out from behind the corner where the shot had been fired from. They were big and ugly and mean looking, and they were all looking at Renjun and Jeno like they were fresh meat. As they came closer, Jeno could see that they had completely neglected all forms of personal hygiene; their mean, ugly faces were covered with scraggly hair and their teeth were crooked and yellow. 

“Well, well, what do we have here? Don’t reckon I’ve ever seen you two ‘round here.” The biggest and ugliest of the men spoke. He strutted straight up to Jeno’s frozen form and tipped his chin up with the barrel of his gun. Jeno could feel Renjun behind him, completely stock still where he was pressed against Jeno’s back. 

The big guy seemed miffed at the lack of response from Jeno. He growled like some sort of beast and grabbed Jeno at his shirt collar, shaking him around. Jeno had to do everything he could to keep from passing out right there. Even without the presence of guns, these men were terrifying and dangerous.

When Jeno let out a petrified squeak at being grabbed, it seemed to shake Renjun from his shock. Jeno could feel him jump back from behind him, and could hear him pull one of his rifles from his back and load it.

“Hands off of him,” Renjun growled back at the man holding Jeno. Jeno was both shocked at how threatening Renjun sounded, and terrified at what might happen now that they knew Renjun was armed. 

Before Big Baddie #1 could even say a word, there was another loud bang as Renjun fired his rifle. Renjun had apparently deemed Big Baddie #1 to be too close to Jeno for him to shoot safely, so Jeno instead watched as one of the three other henchmen fell to the ground with a groan. Jeno struggled to hold back a sob. Pure terror was running through his veins now, and he could barely think straight. 

Baddie #1 let out a roar of rage this time, moving his hands to Jeno’s throat and holding him there tightly until Jeno was struggling to breathe and his toes were barely touching the ground. The two other henchmen rushed forward before Renjun could make another shot, jumping on him and pinning him to the ground. Renjun let out a pained yelp, and Jeno choked out a strangled, “Renjun!”

“Listen, I don’t know what you two little fucks think you’re doing showing up here, but this is  _ our  _ territory. And do you wanna know what we do to trespassers who fucking hurt our own?” He shook Jeno a little more. “ _ Huh?!”  _ he shouted again, and Jeno let out a small whimper to show he was listening.

“We rip them apart,” the man shook Jeno, “and we cook them up,” another shake, “and we  _ feed ‘em to the fucking dogs. _ ” At this point tears were openly falling down Jeno’s cheeks, and Jeno didn’t have an ounce of fucks to give about it. He was going to die soon anyway.

Baddie #1 suddenly yanked Jeno around so he was facing Renjun. The smaller boy was still pinned to the ground by the two men, but now one of them had drawn a pistol and was pointing it directly at Renjun’s forehead. The boy looked much more composed than Jeno, the only sign of fear being his eyes squeezed tightly shut. Jeno let out another strangled cry, and an almost inaudible “please, don’t”, even though he knew it was fruitless.

“Let’s watch your little friend here die first, huh?” The man holding Jeno said, his voice sounding sadistically joyful. “For hurting my pal, how ‘bout it?”

Jeno could barely see through his tears any more. The man holding the gun carefully readied the pistol, drawing it out for dramatic effect, and was almost ready to shoot when—

_ BANG. _

The third gunshot of the afternoon was fired, and Jeno squeezed his eyes shut. He suddenly felt the hand around his throat releasing, and Jeno promptly crumpled to the ground. He curled in on himself, unable to feel anything, hear anything.  _ Renjun’s dead,  _ he thought,  _ and now they’re gonna shoot me too.  _

He waited and waited for it to happen, but he felt nothing except the gritty pavement beneath him. Sounds slowly faded back into Jeno’s consciousness even as he kept his eyes shut, and he could just register a group of new voices, a lot of yelling, and some scuffling. Once the scuffling came to a stop and some footsteps could be heard running away direction, Jeno heard the new voices now talking amongst themselves in rapid, concerned muttering.

“—need to get a medic,” Jeno heard, “Hyuck, they’re probably injured.”

Jeno remained curled in his fetal position, not moving an inch. He kept his hands pressed firmly to the sides of his head to get them to stop shaking so violently.

“Mark, that would take  _ way  _ too long, and you know that,” came a second voice, smooth like honey. “Who knows what other rat bastards would try to attack while we sat here and twiddled our thumbs, waiting for a medic to arrive?”

“But if they were injured, then trying to move them—”

“From what I can see, they’re barely injured. If it was bad enough that we couldn’t move them, we’d have noticed by now. We can get them checked out when we get back to camp, but for now we have to get out of here before the uglies come back with friends.”

Jeno finally cracked one eye open. Standing above him were the two people talking, a pair of boys who looked to be around his and Renjun’s age. They paid Jeno no mind, too busy debating on what to do to notice him watching. 

Jeno hurriedly glanced over to Renjun, and blinked. The very-much-alive boy had been moved from the spot where he had been pinned to the ground, and was now sitting up against the brick side of the bakery. A third person, a girl with a gentle looking smile, was hovering over him nervously. Jeno hadn’t even noticed Renjun being moved.

Renjun looked very ruffled and shellshocked, but otherwise unharmed. His wide eyes were flitting all over the place until they finally focused on Jeno’s face. His eyes widened when he saw Jeno looking back.

“Jeno!” he cried, leaping up from his spot against the wall and thoroughly surprising the girl tending to him. Renjun wasted no time in running over to Jeno and pulling him into a sitting position. He wrapped his shaking arms around Jeno’s torso and sagged against his side, and for the first time since they had entered this godforsaken city, Jeno breathed a sigh of relief.

“Are you okay?” Jeno hummed anxiously, scanning Renjun more carefully. Besides a few scratches on his face though, Renjun seemed fine.

“Don’t worry about me,” Renjun insisted, “Worry about yourself. Your neck is bruised something awful.” Renjun carefully ghosted his fingers over Jeno’s neck where he had been held. The gentle touch seemed to remind him that it was there, and Jeno flinched at the stinging pain.

“Don’t worry, we’ll get you checked out back at our camp.” One of the boys suddenly interrupted from above. It was the one that was insistent on getting out of there, the one with the golden skin and scathing eyes. The eyes, however, looked assuring now, as the boy offered his hand to help Jeno to his feet. The other boy with the floppy black hair and big eyes did the same with Renjun.

“I’m Donghyuck, by the way,” said the tan skinned boy, “and we’re here to help you, don’t worry.” He sent a smile that looked almost teasing in Jeno’s direction. “No need to look so worried, we won’t hurt you.”

The other boy nodded in agreement, expression much more serious. “I’m Mark, by the way,” he said, “and we’re going to take you back to our base. You can stay as long as you want.”

Jeno gulped. He wasn’t sure how much he actually wanted to take them up on that offer.

“This here is Yerim,” Mark continued, pointing to the girl standing a couple of steps away. Yerim smiled, warm and kind, much like he imagined an older sister would. “Our base is actually an old elementary school not far from here. Our clan is pretty big, but don’t be worried. We’re friendly.”

_ Whatever you say buddy,  _ Jeno thought. He was hesitant to follow as the trio of new faces began to walk away, but he had no choice when Renjun happily trotted on after them. The absolute last thing he wanted to do was trust these random strangers, but he would follow Renjun anywhere, and that’s regrettably what led him to jogging after Mark, Donghyuck, and Yerim.   
  


Jeno followed the group as they trekked through the city streets, slowly moving away from the central city area and into more suburban neighborhoods. Jeno watched every empty house he passed with wary eyes. He was nervous about blindly following these strangers wherever they went, but he was even more afraid of being caught alone again, so he stuck reluctantly behind them.

Jeno couldn’t help but feel a little betrayed at how easily Renjun seemed to be getting along with their rescuers. Wasn’t it just a second ago that they were inches away from being killed and fed to the dogs? Jeno knew it was irrational, and that months of solitude and built up fear was to blame, but he couldn’t help it when his lungs constricted at the sight of Renjun happily conversing with Yerim about who knows what.

As if sensing Jeno’s thoughts, Renjun turned around to glance at him. He must have sensed Jeno’s uneasiness because his eyes filled with concern, and he fell back a little to join Jeno at his side.

“You okay?” Renjun asked carefully.

Jeno forced himself to nod. “Yeah, yeah. Just shaken up, y’know.”

“Yeah, I understand,” Renjun responded. He hooked his arm with Jeno and reached the other one down to link their fingers together. “I am too.”

_ You certainly don’t look like it,  _ Jeno couldn’t help but think, but then he stopped himself. He didn’t know what was going on in Renjun’s head, just because he coped better than Jeno—

“Are you guys together?” Donghyuck’s brash voice interrupted Jeno’s thoughts. Jeno spluttered like an idiot, at a total loss for words. Were they together? The question was so sudden—

“Kind of, yeah,” Renjun responded for them. He then looked up at Jeno tentatively, eyes curious as if verifying his words with Jeno.

Jeno just nodded stiffly.

Donghyuck smiled. “That’s cool!” He grabbed Mark’s arm abruptly, causing said boy to go beet red in the face. “Mark and I are together too! You guys are  _ so _ cute.” 

Renjun and Jeno both went as red as Mark, unsure of what to say, until Yerim finally spoke instead. After an eye roll and a dramatic sigh, she said, “Don’t mind him, you two. He doesn’t really have any boundaries sometimes.”

“Hey!” Donghyuck exclaimed, indignant. “I was just trying to make conversation! Geez, buncha wet blankets, I guess.”

Renjun laughed. “It’s alright, I don’t mind.” He pulled Jeno closer to his side by where they were attached at the arm. It certainly seemed to Jeno that Renjun didn’t mind at all. In fact, Jeno would wager that he was quite enjoying it.

They walked for a little longer, conversation dancing amongst the five of them much easier than before. Even though Jeno still stayed quiet for the most part, even he chimed in a little here and there. Renjun told the trio all about his and Jeno’s wild adventures, how Jeno had found him hurt and “on the verge of death” (which was a little dramatic in Jeno’s opinion), and how Jeno had nursed him back to health, and finally how they set off on a journey to reach Renjun’s home once he was healed enough to travel. Donghyuck seemed to be thoroughly enjoying the story, adding flurried commentary here and there like an excited puppy. 

The group finally approached a low, sprawling one-story building that Jeno assumed was the elementary school base Mark had spoken of. Mark led the way, passing easily by a boy at the entrance who held a gun, presumably a guard of sorts. The rest of the group followed Mark’s lead easily, even Jeno who struggled to stay nonchalant as they passed the guard with his gun.

They walked down the main corridor of the school and Jeno felt a rush of nostalgia for his early school days. He glanced around at the crumbling murals, the fallen pinboards, and the barely there remnants of various art projects and homework scattered about, the only reminder of the students that had walked these halls years before.

Now the halls were filled with much older people, ranging from around Jeno’s age all the way up to the elderly. They all seemed to know each other, greeting people as they walked past with shouts and pats on the back. Jeno began to sweat at the sheer amount of people milling around.

They seemed especially excited to see Mark, Donghyuck, and Yerim as they walked through the halls. Shouts of ‘Hey, you guys are back!’ or ‘Look who’s here!’ echoed from all around them. The grins of excitement, however, faded to looks of curiosity and almost suspicion as they spotted the two newcomers trailing behind.

Jeno tried to ignore the whispers that increased as people began to notice his and Renjun’s presence. This much attention made his skin crawl; he wasn’t used to it at all, and it put a very sour taste in his mouth.

“Don’t worry you guys,” Donghyuck whispered back at them, apparently noticing the caged in look in Jeno’s eyes. “They’re super nice, it’s just not every day that you get newcomers, you know?”

Jeno nodded stiffly. Sure, he supposed, looking at their friendly expressions they didn’t look like bad news, but something about the way they all looked a little rough around the edges, with choppy haircuts and dark clothing and intense stares set something off inside Jeno. He desperately pushed down the bad memories that surfaced, feeling guilty.

_ You have no right to judge people that you don’t even know,  _ he thought.  _ Not everyone that looks like that is bad. _

Mark eventually led them to one of the classrooms near the rear of the school. Inside were piles of blankets, clothes, and various other personal belongings. Tarps covered all the windows, blocking the view of the outside as well as any sunlight from coming in. 

“This is where Donghyuck and I stay, along with some other boys our age. Yerim stays in the room next door with the girls our age.” He gestured to one of the corners that was free of stuff. “This is where you’ll be staying, for as long as you want. Feel free to make yourselves at home, and dinner is in an hour.” And with that, all three of their rescuers exited the room, leaving Jeno and Renjun alone.

Renjun got straight to business, making his way to the empty corner. He set down his pack and began rolling out their blankets. He was halfway through setting up Jeno’s radio next to it, the Iron Man figure sitting on top, when he finally glanced back and noticed that Jeno hadn’t moved an inch.

“Hey, are you okay?” Renjun queried, rising to his feet and walking over to Jeno. “Aren’t you gonna put your stuff down?”

Jeno glanced around. He finally spoke hesitantly, “Are we really going to stay here?”

Renjun’s brows furrowed in confusion. “Yeah, why wouldn’t we?”

Jeno’s stomach turned again, but he squashed down his list of reasons, instead saying, “I— I don’t know.”

He walked past Renjun and dropped his pack on the floor before flopping down on their blankets. Renjun made his way back over, looking like he wanted to say something, but instead he chose to flop down next to Jeno.

“It’ll be okay, Jen,” Renjun said, threading his fingers into Jeno’s hair. Jeno’s heart skipped a beat at the new nickname. “We have each other, remember? And I won’t hesitate to gun down anyone else that even thinks of touching you.”

Renjun smiled teasingly, and Jeno couldn’t help the smile that made its way to his own face, mirroring Renjun’s. Despite the obviously silly tone Renjun said it in, Jeno felt the tiniest bit more safe at Renjun’s words and his gentle touch. Jeno practically melted as Renjun scratched at his head where his fingers sat. He wrapped his arms around Renjun’s waist and pulled the smaller boy closer so that he could bury his face into Renjun’s shoulder.

Renjun giggled softly. “You’re just a big puppy, aren’t you?” He spoke fondly. “Let’s get a little rest before dinner, huh?”

So that’s just what they did. They cuddled for the next hour, and Jeno almost fell asleep at one point. Jeno practically forgot completely where they were as Renjun ran his fingers through his hair, the motion repetitive and calming.

Donghyuck came back into the room all too soon, however, to inform them that dinner was being served. Jeno felt the nerves rise up again as they followed Donghyuck to the school’s cafeteria, but Renjun gripped his hand firmly in reassurance.

Dinner was a lively affair. Jeno had to admit that the food tasted like heaven, after eating entirely non perishable food for what felt like forever. They had somehow gotten their hands on fresh vegetables— maybe they had a garden or something— and they had made a hearty stew. It warmed Jeno’s insides and it brought up every fond memory he held of the home cooked meals of his childhood. 

The delicious food helped distract him a bit from the overwhelming amount of people surrounding him. It didn’t help that these people were incredibly loud, shouting over each other excitedly, each conversation seeming like a full on theater production. They also seemed to have no regard for personal space, practically climbing over each other to grab more food or say hi to each other. Jeno was shoved this way and that more times than he could count, and it seemed that even Renjun was beginning to look a little flustered.

It was over soon, however, and people immediately began milling about, socializing loudly just as they had before. Jeno spotted Yerim and Donghyuck in a lively conversation with a group of people he didn’t recognize. Jeno fully planned to get right out of there and head back to their room to hide, but he was tugged away by Mark, who wanted to introduce him to some people. He lost sight of Renjun at some point, and he had to force the anxiety building in his gut to simmer down.

People slowly began to quiet down and head back to their respective sleeping areas a while later, well after the sun had vanished from the sky. Jeno walked with Mark back to their room, and let out an unconscious sigh of relief when he saw Renjun in their corner, waiting for him.

They all curled up in their respective areas, the darkness of the room covering them like a blanket. Jeno listened carefully as people’s breaths evened out, and some began to snore. Renjun even began to do the tiny snore of his, face tucked into Jeno’s back.

Jeno had expected to go out like a light after the absolutely draining day he had had, but no matter how hard he tried he just could not get his brain to quiet down. It kept flitting back and forth between the scary men that had attacked him and Renjun, to being brought back here, and even to earlier memories he thought he had repressed. He finally couldn’t take sitting in the dark there any longer.

Jeno carefully untangled Renjun’s arms from around his waist, and moved away from the boy carefully as to not wake him. He couldn’t help but smile at the peaceful expression on Renjun’s sleeping face, and the small pout of his lips.

He tiptoed out of the room and down the corridor to where they had first entered the school. There was no guard sitting there now, so Jeno plopped himself down on the school’s front steps and stared out into the dark front lawn.

Crickets chirped a little symphony from the trees around the yard. The stars glittered brightly above him as usual, dotted across the sky like glowing spots of paint on an infinite canvas. Sitting like this, finally with just the comforting sounds of nature surrounding him, Jeno finally felt at peace, and busy thoughts began to swarm his head.

_ Why can’t I be like Renjun?  _ Jeno couldn’t help but think as he pulled his knees to his chest. His companion (Boyfriend? He wasn’t sure) seemed to fit into the group here like a missing puzzle piece, fearlessly talking to everyone, letting his guard down. Jeno wondered why he couldn’t just let go and do the same, because it was obvious that no harm was going to come of them here. He had no reason to be this up in arms, so  _ why _ —

Jeno jumped nearly a foot in the air when his thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the door behind him banging open. His heart rate immediately shot up, and he turned around fully prepared to fight for his life, but he was only met with an out of breath Renjun. His hair was messy and he hadn’t even stopped to put on shoes. His eyes were filled with concern that slowly changed to relief as he spotted Jeno’s form.

“ _ Jeno,”  _ he huffed, “What are you  _ doing  _ out here? You have no idea how scared I was when I woke up and you weren’t—”

“I’m sorry,” Jeno said, and he really was. He felt the guilt creep up as he thought of how nervous he must have made Renjun feel. He could only imagine how he would feel if he woke up and Renjun was gone. The fear, the confusion, the betrayal—

“Hey, hey, it’s okay.” Renjun rushed over to Jeno’s side and it was only when Renjun sweeped his thumbs under both of his eyes that he realized that he was crying.

“It’s okay, Jen. I’m here now.” Renjun was now cradling Jeno’s face in his small hands, pulling Jeno’s head around so they were looking each other in the eyes. “What’s up with you? I know today has been really rough and scary, but you’ve been really off ever since we got here.”

For some reason, Renjun’s words only set him off even more, and suddenly Jeno was sobbing into the crook of Renjun’s neck. Renjun didn’t say anything more, instead carefully running his fingers through Jeno’s hair and along the nape of his neck like he knew Jeno liked. He waited patiently for Jeno to calm down, and Jeno didn’t think it was possible to be any more in love with someone.

The big L word scared the shit out of Jeno if he was to be honest, but there was honestly no other words to describe the way he felt about Renjun. Renjun had become his rock, his anchor in this terrible shitstorm of life, and in just the few short weeks that they had known each other, Jeno could no longer imagine a life without Renjun.

Renjun meant the absolute world to him, and he knew he couldn’t keep things this important from someone he loved. As much as the thought terrified him, Jeno knew that the only option was to tell Renjun everything.

“I haven’t really told you everything about myself,” Jeno began, voice quiet and still soggy with tears. He slowly pulled his face out of Renjun’s neck and looked him in the eyes to see slight confusion and curiosity there. “I haven’t held anything back  _ intentionally  _ really, it’s just— I never mentioned it I guess. I try not to think about it.”

Renjun cut off Jeno’s rambling. “What do you mean, Jeno?”

“I mean that I talk about my dad and brother all the time, but I never really mentioned what happened to them. You were curious, weren’t you?”

Renjun’s eyes went wide, and after a moment of hesitation he nodded very small.

“It’s okay,” Jeno said, “I appreciate you not pressing about it. It’s generally not something I like to think about. I guess it’s been... about 8 months now.”   
  


**December 13, 2056; A Seven-Eleven**

**T+936 days since nuclear annihilation**

Jeno was squatted in the shade behind the Seven-Eleven, nibbling on a Twix bar and waiting for their father to be done gathering what they needed inside the store. Doyoung was seated next to him, staring off into the distance deep in thought. Jeno rolled his eyes at his brother; the older boy liked to act all mysterious and brooding sometimes, when he was probably just thinking about the rock they had passed on the way there that was shaped like a nose.

This whole routine of heading out on Sundays to restock supplies was well incorporated into their lives by now. It had been over a year since they had found their little camp in between the two cliffs, and with the little routine they had built, things were going pretty well for them.

“Hey Doyoung,” Jeno said suddenly, “I’m bored. Wanna play cards while we wait?”

Doyoung looked over hesitantly, as if he was unhappy about interrupting his brooding session, but he finally conceded.

“I was thinking,” Doyoung began.

“Oh no, that’s dangerous.”

Doyoung shot Jeno a glare, ignoring him. “I was thinking that when we get back to camp, I could show you how to play this one card game I learned from Jaehyun.”

Jeno smiled wistfully at the memory of Doyoung’s old friend from Phoenix. Jaehyun always brought fast food whenever he came over, he had a really cool car and drove Jeno everywhere, and he had the biggest fattest crush on Doyoung. Of course they hadn’t seen him since. Jeno tried to pretend he couldn’t hear the way Doyoung cried over him on some late nights when he thought Jeno was asleep. Jeno knew it was because Doyoung had really liked Jaehyun too.

“Why don’t you just teach me now?” Jeno finally responded.

“Because the rules are pretty complicated, and you always take forever to learn games.”

“Hey!” Jeno whined, pushing Doyoung to the ground and crawling on top of him.

“What?” Doyoung laughed, “It’s not my fault that you have worms for brains!”

Jeno sat fully on Doyoung’s stomach, ready to bite back with an insult of his own, when the sound of a gun being fired startled the both of them and sent Jeno tumbling off Doyoung’s stomach. The shot was soon followed by a round of angry shouting from inside the store, and two more gunshots.

Jeno was frozen in shock. There were other people in that store with his dad, and they were obviously angry. He wasn’t sure what to do, whether to stay back here and hide, or go and help his dad. They hadn’t encountered anyone since they got out of the basement, much less anyone aggressive.

He looked over to see Doyoung looking just as petrified as he was. That’s what really scared Jeno. Doyoung, no matter how much the two quarreled with each other, was always the more level headed one, always doing everything in his power to protect Jeno as if it was some unspoken duty.

Doyoung seemed to have reminded himself of this duty the next moment, because suddenly he was hauling Jeno to his feet. He covered Jeno’s mouth with his hand and dragged him over to the ice box at the back of the store that once held bags of ice for sale. 

Doyoung opened the door as quietly as he could, and shoved Jeno in. Jeno began to splutter in complaint, but Doyoung shushed him, eyes wide with panic.

“Listen Jeno,” he whispered, spitting every word rapidly like bullets, “You need to stay in here and be as quiet as you can. I’ll be right back.  _ Don’t move. _ ”

Jeno nodded, sensing the seriousness in Doyoung’s voice, too scared to argue. Just as Doyoung was shutting the door, however, he stopped him.

“Promise me you’ll come back.” Jeno whimpered. He may have been 18 years old and a legal adult, but in this moment he felt like he was 12 years old again and their parents were finalizing their divorce. Doyoung hesitated at Jeno’s words, and that terrified Jeno.

“Please, Doie!” Jeno whispered, throat closing up. “Promise me!”

The old nickname seemed to do it for Doyoung, because he nodded quickly, eyes looking suspiciously wet. He reached in and squeezed Jeno’s hand quickly, with an “I promise.”

Doyoung finally shut the door, and Jeno could hear his footsteps moving rapidly away from the ice box and around the corner of the store. Jeno sat there in the dark for what seemed like a century, his knees pressed to his chest as he struggled to breathe in the stuffy air. The only sound that filled the tiny, confined space were his own terrified, broken sobs. After Doyoung left he distantly picked up a few more shots and some more scuffling, but it eventually quieted down.

Jeno wasn’t sure how long he sat there after the last sounds of struggle could be heard. He just sat there and listened to his own panicked breathing until it finally slowed just a little bit, and he gathered enough courage to crack open the door. At first he couldn’t see anything, his eyes having gotten used to the pitch black of the ice box, but eventually his eyes adjusted, and he was able to see the sun where it was sitting close to the horizon.

Jeno blanched. He had been sitting out here with Doyoung at noontime, when the sun sat high in the sky. He had been sitting in that ice box for hours.

That did not make Jeno’s panic any better. Without any more regard for whether there would still be threats waiting for him, Jeno rushed around the side of the convenience store, heart in his throat.

The first thing he saw were two unfamiliar figures lying on the ground outside the store. They were two older men around his dad’s age. They were grimy and unkempt, and their battered hunting jackets were caked with dried blood.

Jeno walked around on shaking legs to catch a glimpse of their faces. Their eyes were still open and their faces were frozen in a permanent scowl. They were obviously dead.

Jeno wasted no more time with them, rushing into the store. A quick glance around told him that there was no one waiting to get him. There were a couple more mean looking unfamiliar men lying motionless on the ground, along with—

Jeno’s heart took a sudden dive from his throat all the way down to his feet, where it shattered into a million pieces. 

There on the ground, just as motionless and caked with blood, were his father and Doyoung.

Jeno rushed over, a sob in his throat. He tripped over one of the scary looking men, not even registering the pain that shot up his knee where it hit the floor. He crawled over to his only family, desperate and heaving for air. 

Jeno went straight for Doyoung’s side. He checked for a pulse, for breathing, for  _ anything  _ even though he knew it was futile, because it had been  _ hours  _ that he had been waiting—

Jeno scooped Doyoung’s head up in his lap. He pushed the sweaty, dirty hair out of his brother’s face. Jeno smiled through the tears. No blood had gotten on Doyoung’s face and unlike the men outside, his eyes were shut and his face was gentle. He looked as if he was only sleeping.

“It’s okay,” Jeno began reassuring Doyoung, even though he knew it was mostly for himself, “You won’t be alone up there. You’ll have dad, and probably Jaehyun, and— and maybe even Mom—” 

Jeno stopped when the full force of his sobs took over. He sat there until the sun set and the stars came out, just stroking Doyoung’s cold cheeks and sobbing. His head was pounding and he had cried out the last of the liquids in his body a while ago, but nothing seemed to calm the raging storm in his head.

Jeno couldn’t even begin to comprehend the idea that he’d never be able to banter playfully with his brother, or burrow into the heat of his body on cold nights. He’d never be able to learn that new card game that Doyoung was going to teach him.

Jeno would have to step up his practice on the ukulele, because he’d never again have the evening be filled by his dad strumming away on it.

_ Oh god,  _ Jeno thought, overcome by another violent, dry sob.  _ What am I gonna do?  _ He was completely, utterly alone and there was nothing he  _ could  _ do. So for now he settled on the next best option. He let his exhausted body fall to the floor next to Doyoung’s, burrowing close despite there no longer being any heat left, and he let himself succumb to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;(( i'm sorry
> 
> as usual, let me know what you thought of this chapter by leaving a comment or find me on twitter and curiouscat @princehuangss !


	6. vi. the sky'd be falling and i'd hold you tight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and so the true drama begins :((
> 
> i'm sorry for not updating in like over a month haha but school is finally over for me so i'll be able to focus more of my energy on fic writing!!
> 
> chapter title inspiration: if the world was ending by julia michaels and jp saxe

Jeno and Renjun found their place in the group of survivors so well, Jeno can’t say he wasn’t a little dubious. Renjun would roll his eyes and say that he was just being a worrywart again, but Jeno couldn’t seem to shake off the ever present on-edge feeling that’d been stalking him for the week they’d been at the elementary school.

Although he will say that the hot meals here were delicious, and a definite upgrade from the crummy meals Jeno used to throw together with whatever non-perishables he could scrounge together that week.

In the week that they had been there, Jeno’s learned a lot about these people, and he could only describe the group as a well-oiled machine. Everyone had a place here, a role that was vital in keeping the greater well-being of the group in check.

He and Renjun had thankfully been placed together, and were tasked with helping the group that went out every day, hunting what they could and surveying the area for danger. They had been selected for the job because of Renjun’s proficiency with firearms and Jeno’s refusal to leave Renjun’s side. They claimed that it was because of Jeno’s physical fitness, but he could see right through them.

After that one night when Jeno had laid out his whole tragic backstory to Renjun, the other boy had been much more protective of Jeno. Renjun always had one concerned, watchful eye on Jeno whenever they were out, and was always ready to speak up for him when someone’s playful teasing became a bit too harsh.

Jeno couldn’t say he didn’t like it, but the irking feeling of being a burden resided under his skin like a terrible itch. As the days went on, it felt more and more like he was Renjun’s whiny child that he had to take care of.

Today was another mission day. It was one that required a lot more caution, because they’d be venturing dangerously close to enemy gang territory. Renjun had asked Jeno multiple times since they had woken up if he really was okay with going on this mission, and each time Jeno had brushed him off and told him not to worry.

They were getting ready to leave, and Renjun was watching Jeno with those ever-concerned eyes as he worked on concealing his blades in his hunting jacket.

“I can practically hear you staring, Renjun,” Jeno spoke up, not even bothering to spare a glance up. He kept his eyes glued to where he was tying a sheathed knife to the waistband of his pants.

He could hear Renjun shift slightly on his feet, then sigh. “Are you absolutely sure you’re okay with going out today?” He asked.

Jeno chuckled, then finally glanced back up at Renjun. He reached out his arms for a hug, which Renjun gladly accepted. He rushed forward and buried his face into Jeno’s shoulder, his arms wrapped around Jeno’s waist. “I know you’re concerned about me, and I really appreciate it,” Jeno said, “but I’m not a kid that needs to be coddled. I know I’ve had my issues, but I want you to know that you can relax a little. I’ll be fine.”

Renjun glanced up. “Are you sure?” he asked. His eyes looked uncertain, but it seemed that Jeno’s reassurances had finally gotten through to him.

“I’m positive.”

And Jeno was. He wanted to start moving on from his past. He wanted his relationship with Renjun to be built on mutual care and comfort, not like a concerned parent and their problem child. Jeno was done being selfish and allowing his problems to be the center of attention.

Renjun nodded, stroking his hair. “I understand, and I’ll stop babying you so much. But I want you to know that you can always come to me with your worries, and that you don’t have to forget everything that’s happened to you just to move on.”

“Of course.” Jeno finally became too impatient, and leaned down to kiss Renjun gently on the lips. Renjun giggled into the kiss at first, but soon reciprocated just as fervently. They stood like that, just exchanging kisses and basking in each other’s presence, until Mark came and told them it was time to leave.

“Hey guys,” Mark greeted, poking his head into the room, “Just letting you know we’re leaving soon. If you’d like to, uh, join us.” He smiled awkwardly once more at the scene before him before leaving the pair alone.

Renjun turned back to Jeno. “Let’s go?”

Jeno nodded, grabbing Renjun’s hand. “Let’s go.”   
  
  
  


The only person in the hunting crew that Jeno really knew well was Mark, but he had also somewhat gotten to know a few others, including Irene, the stony-faced leader and mother of the gang, and her bubbly girlfriend Seulgi. At first Jeno had been terrified of the older woman, but she had shown her kind, nurturing side on Jeno’s first mission. He had been hesitant to shoot at a roadrunner, but she had guided him through it with gentle words, and Jeno had been attached to her side ever since.

Even now, Jeno walked at her side as she and Seulgi brought up the rear. Renjun had long since ran ahead to chat with Mark and another boy named Yangyang. Jeno from a week ago would have felt upset and abandoned, but now he was just relieved that he wasn’t holding his boyfriend back.

His boyfriend. Huh. Jeno was still getting used to that part. It still gave him butterflies every time he remembered that he could kiss Renjun whenever he wanted to.

“So we’re going within half a mile of the enemy camp at the most,” Irene explained as they walked along the abandoned service road, gravel crunching beneath their feet. Massive government facilities loomed over them on either side of the road, barred off by miles of barbed wire fences.

“Yeah,” Seulgi chimed in, “We’re only getting that close because the forest in the area holds some great game, and we haven’t had fresh meat in a while.” Jeno could swear he heard her stomach grumble when she said that.

“Besides,” Irene said, “I’ve never once seen any of their people in those woods in all of the times I’ve been. I think the biggest of our worries are the nasty, mutant coyotes that live in these parts.”

“The  _ what?! _ ” Jeno squawked.

Seulgi swatted Irene on the arm. “You’re scaring him!” she reprimanded her. When she turned to look at Jeno, her eyes were kind and reassuring. “We won’t let any of them get to you, don’t worry. We probably won’t even see one, if we’re quiet enough.”

“ _ Mutant?!”  _ exclaimed Jeno, still unable to wrap his head around that fact.

Seulgi shrugged. “Well, you know, all that radiation exposure… they’ve changed. Many of the animals we’ve caught are either too young to have lived through the worst of the radiation, or were simply able to live it out underground. Or they were just too small for the signs to be anything extreme. Coyotes, however…”

Jeno gulped and nodded. Seulgi didn’t even need to go into detail for Jeno to imagine just how horrifying they must be.

The rest of the walk was comfortably silent. Seulgi walked on one side of Jeno, holding his hand and swinging their arms rhythmically, and Irene walked alert on the other. Jeno watched from a distance as Renjun shoved Yangyang playfully, and Yangyang cackled.

They finally made it to the woods. Renjun immediately headed off with Mark, Yangyang, and Yangyang’s friend Kunhang to go hunt. Jeno, as usual, stayed back with Seulgi to inspect everyone’s catch.

Jeno was relieved that he was able to have a relatively stress free job like this and still be in close proximity to Renjun. He even felt pretty helpful doing it. If they didn’t give each catch a close enough examination, the whole gang could get radiation poisoning from eating the meat. Jeno had gotten quite good at picking up the very subtle signs of radiation in the small animals that they caught.

Jeno and Seulgi made themselves at home on their little picnic blanket, chattering away as animal after animal was brought to them.

It was about noontime, with Seulgi telling an animated story about their medic Kyungsoo finding a cockroach under his pillow, when Jeno realized he might be able to find a home here. 

The incessant hum of insects surrounded them as they were a category of living creature that had no issue making its way back after the disaster. The trees swayed back and forth gently in the wind like they always had, and it was almost as if nothing bad had happened at all. If Jeno really focused, he could imagine that he graduated high school and went off to college like normal, and this was just a fun outing with his friends.

The peaceful atmosphere and Seulgi’s lovely voice made the time pass so quickly that he barely even noticed when it was time to go home. There was a sizable pile of catch in front of Jeno that the returned hunters were now sorting into bags to carry home. 

Jeno glanced around him. It appeared that Renjun, Kunhang, and Yangyang had yet to return. He got to his feet and walked over to Mark, who was busy bagging their catch.

“Mark, have you seen Renjun? And Yangyang and Kunhang?”

Mar glanced up, then blinked. “No I haven’t. They must be out there still. Do you mind trying to see if you can find them? We have to leave soon.”

Jeno nodded. “Sure, I’ll be back soon. Let Seulgi and Irene know that I’m fetching them.”

Mark nodded in affirmation, and with that Jeno sauntered off into the trees. 

The setting sun was so pretty where it shined between the branches; Jeno probably could’ve gotten lost just taking in the scenery. He skipped over a fallen tree and began to wonder if he would even be able to find the trio. This wasn’t a small forest by any stretch.

Jeno almost called their names, but his voice got caught in his chest. They were still dangerously close to enemy territory, and he would be taking absolutely no risks.

Just when Jeno was about to give up, he heard some voices and faint sounds of scuffle through the trees. His heart calmed in his chest just a little, and he bounded in the direction of the voices.

Through the trees, he could spot glimpses of color and movement, and the noises got louder. He could now make out a voice that definitely belonged to Renjun. Jeno was about to call out to them, but stopped short. The relief in his chest withered into something terrible when he approached the scene.

Renjun was laying flat on his back in the middle of the clearing. Yangyang sat on top of him, legs straddling his waist, and his hands grabbing at Renjun’s face. Renjun was struggling against the boy on top of him, his skinny arms shaking where they were grasping onto Yangyang’s wrists.

Kunhang stood a few feet away from the pair, just watching with a smirk on his face.

“Give it up, Huang,” Yangyang growled in Renjun’s face, “You know I’ve won!”

“Never!” Renjun managed to grit out.

Jeno, who had been frozen in shock up until this point, felt a blind, fiery rage overtake him. Yangyang had been so kind and playful with Renjun up until now. Jeno never would have thought of Yangyang as the type to betray his friends, yet here he was, out for blood. 

Jeno didn’t think he’d ever trust a stranger again. He saw nothing but red as he charged into the clearing, finally making his presence known.

Yangyang halted his struggle with Renjun to look up at Jeno in shock. “Woah dude, are you o—”

“Get— the fuck— off of him!” Jeno roared, grabbing Yangyang by the collar and yanking him viciously off of Renjun. He emphasized every work with a violent shake.

Yangyang’s eyes were blown wide with fear and confusion. He clawed desperately at Jeno’s hands, just like Renjun had with his moments ago. “Dude, what are you—”

“I saw what you were doing to him!” Jeno spit. Everything around him had faded out, and Jeno could only register Yangyang’s terrified face and the ringing in his ears. “I thought you were his friend, but you— you betrayed him!”

“What the fuck are you talking about!” Yangyang gasped, still struggling against Jeno’s grip. Kunhang and Renjun seemed to break out of their collective shock, and began trying desperately to pull the pair apart.

Kunhang wrapped his arms around Yangyang’s waist and pulled back, successfully freeing Yangyang from Jeno’s grip on his collar. Renjun’s small hands wrapped around Jeno’s bigger ones, pulling them downwards and forcing Jeno to look him in the eye.

“Woah, woah!” Renjun exclaimed, voice sounding nervous but with an attempt at being soothing, as if Jeno was a cornered animal. “Jeno, what was that for?!”

“What do you  _ mean,  _ what was that for?! He was trying to kill you!”

“ _ What?!  _ No, Jen, he wasn’t!”

Just then, Mark and Irene came bursting through the trees. They had probably come to investigate why they weren’t returning. As Mark took in the scene before him— Kunhang holding a shaking Yangyang in his arms, and Renjun desperately trying to calm a furious Jeno— his jaw dropped in shock. It only stayed like that for a split second though, before he carefully schooled it into a more serious, leader face.

Mark exchanged a few quick words with Irene before he headed over to Kunhang and Yangyang, and Irene made her way over to Renjun and Jeno.

“What happened?” She asked Renjun sternly. As she did so, she began rubbing soothing circles onto Jeno’s back. Jeno’s breath slowed just minimally from angry huffs to a slightly heaving chest.

“I— I really don’t know, I was just messing around with Yangyang, and— and I think Jeno misunderstood, but he got really angry, and— and—”

“Ssh, deep breaths, hon.” Irene continued to speak in her usual cold, stern voice, but her concern showed through in the way she gave Renjun’s shoulder a gentle squeeze. “Let’s just get back to camp, all right? And we can talk it out there.”

“O—Okay,” Renjun said, voice quiet and unsure. Irene turned to walk away, and gestured for them to follow. Renjun began to follow hesitantly, glancing back over his shoulder at Jeno when he didn’t move.

“Come on, Jeno,” he whispered, desperate, and Jeno knew he had no choice but to follow.

The walk back to the elementary school was the most suffocating thirty minutes of Jeno’s entire nineteen years of life. Yangyang and Kunhang walked at the front with Seulgi, Yangyang still visibly shaken.

Jeno walked at the back, stiff and stony-faced. Irene walked at his side but did not send him a single glance.

Renjun walked somewhere in the middle, looking very torn and upset. Every so often he would glance back at Jeno, eyes shooting away the moment they met with his.

The group was silent, save for the occasional hushed whisper.

As soon as they returned, Renjun wasted no time in pulling Jeno into their room. The others gathered outside watched them with bewildered eyes, and Jeno knew they wouldn’t be getting interrupted any time soon.

Renjun finally came to a stop in their secluded corner, and spun around to face Jeno. For many long moments it was silent as Renjun searched around in Jeno’s eyes, as if he might find all the answers there.

“You wanna tell me what happened?” Renjun whispered.

Jeno heard the concern in Renjun’s voice, and he couldn’t help but resent it. He shrugged off Renjun’s comforting hands and he took a step back.

The rational side of his brain told him that he was overreacting. It was screaming that this was all just a big misunderstanding like Renjun said, and that he was fine, but just like with every other similar situation, the irrational side of his brain took over.

The irrational side of his brain was telling him that Yangyang attacked Renjun in cold blood, and that these people couldn’t be trusted after all, and that they weren’t safe here.

“Why don’t  _ you _ tell me what happened?” Jeno snapped back. Renjun flinched at his harsh tone, and Jeno felt the beginnings of shame swirling in his gut.

“What do you mean, Jeno?” Renjun sounded nervous now, and his eyes never stopped scanning Jeno’s face. “I was just messing around with Yangyang, and you— I don’t know why you reacted like that.”

“ _ Just messing around?  _ Maybe for you, but you who knows if it’s the same for Yangyang? These people can’t be trusted!”

“Yangyang’s my  _ friend,  _ Jeno! I know you’re nervous around people, but the ones here are nice. Yangyang would never hurt me, and you should know that!”

_ I’m only concerned about you, and I don’t want you to get hurt,  _ were the words that Jeno wanted to stay, but his brain was already miles ahead of him. They were shouting now, and Jeno was entering full on fight or flight.

“Are you stupid or something?!” It came out of Jeno’s mouth before he could stop himself, and he immediately regretted it when Renjun’s face crumpled with hurt. His expression was changing from concern for Jeno to something very close to anger. “Maybe because you’re just not used to fighting for your life like I am, but the reality is that you can’t trust anyone out here.”

“But you trusted me. Jeno, you learned to trust me, and now look at us! Do you really still think that’s true, after all of this?!”

Renjun stared Jeno straight in the eye after he finished speaking, his chest heaving. His eyes were filled with hurt and outrage and a million other emotions Jeno couldn’t identify.

Jeno didn’t even know what to say any more. He probably wasn’t even making sense, but his common sense was nowhere near in control right now. 

“Well maybe I shouldn’t have,” Jeno growled, low and angry, “if you were just going to choose a bunch of strangers over me.”

As soon as he had spoken those words, Jeno saw something snap in Renjun’s eyes. The other boy’s patience was up, and there was no going back now. 

“How could you even say that, Jeno?” Renjun’s voice broke on his name. His eyes were swimming with tears, and he quickly tried to school his broken expression into something more hostile. “Well, if you really think that’s true, then maybe you should just leave.”

Jeno huffed. “You know what? Maybe I will.”

And without even stopping to give it a second thought, Jeno pushed past Renjun over to their pile of things. He only grabbed his dad’s radio and his water flask, leaving the rest of their things with Renjun, because he still cared for the boy much more than his current self would like to admit.

Renjun watched him as he moved through the room, eyes wide and jaw slack. He was still frozen in shock by the time Jeno had gathered his measly belongings and was heading for the door. He finally managed to come to his senses by the time Jeno was halfway out the door.

“Jeno, wait!” He called desperately, “I didn’t mean—” but Jeno was already halfway down the hall.

He stormed past the people gathered, the curious eyes and wild whispering. He ignored it all as best he could, keeping his eyes glued to the floor. A million and one thoughts were whirring through his head, and he felt the beginnings of a migraine coming on. Although the pain in his head was nothing compared to the pain in his heart.

Jeno wanted nothing more than to run back to the safety of Renjun’s arms and stay buried there forever, sobbing apologies into the smaller boy’s chest. But the damage had been done; Jeno was too cornered and scared to do anything but run far, far away.

Irene and Seulgi were still standing at the door, discussing something very serious, from the way that their eyebrows were furrowed and Seulgi was wringing her hands. She caught sight of Jeno just as he made it to the front door of the school.

“Jeno, stop!” She called, rushing forward as soon as she figured out what he was doing. “Just— Just calm down and let’s think this through!”

Jeno pulled his arm free from where Seulgi had grabbed it. “I’m sorry, I really, really am,” he choked out, “Thank you for your hospitality, I really don’t know how to repay you, but I can’t— I can’t stay.”

Before anyone could stop him, Jeno made a break for it, pushing open the doors and running out.

Naturally it was now downpouring. Jeno felt like he was in some sort of drama as he stepped out into the rain, instantly getting soaked through his clothes. The nice hunting jacket his father had found for him was slowly getting ruined, but Jeno couldn’t find it in him to care.

The minute Jeno stepped onto the wet earth, he took off running. He had no idea where he was going, but he just knew that he had to get out of there. He couldn’t tell what was rain and what was tears— it was all just pouring down his face together.

When he finally slowed down, he looked around and realized that his feet had taken him back to the forest from earlier that day. He didn’t know why, and neither did he really care; Jeno was exhausted, both emotionally and physically, and he needed somewhere to rest for the night.

Jeno let himself collapse under the protection of a particularly large oak tree, on the outermost edges of the woods. All prior concerns about enemies finding him were washed away like the rain trickling down his back. 

Everything hurt. His legs ached from running, and the rest of him was sore from shivering. Fatigue plagued him like heavy weights pressing down on his body, and most of all his chest felt like somebody had run a knife through it.

He had no idea where he would go from here. Whether he liked it or not Jeno was screwed without Renjun, especially given that he’d left basically all of their supplies back at the school. Jeno was completely alone with nowhere to go, and with threats to his life around every corner.

He’d worry about what to do tomorrow morning. Right now, his brain was addled with exhaustion. Jeno needed a long night of rest, and then he could begin fearing for his life.

Jeno finally succumbed to sleep just like that, curled against the trunk of the tree, with his drenched hunting jacket pulled tightly around him and tears still fresh in his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter and curiouscat: princehuangss
> 
> let me know what you thought of the chapter, and what you think will happen next >:))


	7. vii. time and hearts will wear us thin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a bit of a shorter chapter but very heavy....
> 
> PLEASE READ !!!  
TW // graphic descriptions of violence, gore, mentions of vomiting
> 
> this chapter is really intense. it has some really graphic descriptions of injuries and an attack (spoiler) so if that kind of stuff makes you anxious or uncomfortable, then i'd strongly suggest skipping this chapter altogether. it's not terribly long, and a brief recall of what happened will probably take place next chapter.
> 
> nevertheless, i hope you enjoy!!
> 
> chapter title inspiration: sick of losing soulmates by dodie

Jeno awoke the next morning with a runny nose, a pounding headache, and a terrible stiffness that plagued his entire body.

He supposed that was what he got for sleeping against a stump and soaked to the bone from the freezing, pouring rain.

Jeno forced himself to stand, despite all of his joints screaming in protest. When the world stopped spinning around him, he glanced around to get his bearings. He grabbed his water flask and his father’s radio from beside him— these being only possessions he had brought with him.

Jeno lifted the little handheld radio in front of his eyes. When he gave it a little jostle, he heard a telltale sloshing coming from the inside. Jeno’s heart plummeted.  _ No, no, no, no. _

He opened the cassette slot and a small stream of water came trickling out.  _ Shit. _

It was ok. It could still work. It was fine, all fine.

Jeno slammed the power button. Nothing.

He tried again, and again, as if each new time something would produce different results, as if something would change and the tape player would magically turn on for him.

No luck.

This couldn’t be happening. How could he be so  _ stupid,  _ so  _ stupid  _ as to not tuck his radio safely in his jacket while it was  _ raining—  _ yet it seemed like stupid decisions were all that Jeno was capable of lately.

Regret burned in his stomach like acid as he stewed over all the events that had led him to this point. As always, he had let his emotions take control, his emotions that had been battered and ruined through years of pain. They were so far from trustworthy that Jeno had long since tried to stuff them back into the furthest recesses of his mind, never to be seen again.

Yet of course, sometimes they managed to claw themselves back up and take over his common sense like an invasive weed. His emotions had bubbled up— anxiety that Renjun would leave him behind, insecurities that told him he was a burden— and he had lashed out, and now here he was. Facing his worst fears, all alone with no path to follow. He had none of his precious supplies to keep him sustained and now it was probably only a matter of time until the cruelty of nature claimed him.

All he had was a broken radio and a water flask. The flask was half empty, so Jeno chugged the remaining contents. Despite being soaked to the bone from the rain, Jeno’s skin was burning up and his tongue felt as dry as a wad of cotton balls.

He would need more water. Staying hydrated was the most important thing right now; he could figure out how he would eat later.

Jeno tucked the damaged radio into his jacket, not having the heart to get rid of it. He observed his surroundings carefully once again— if these were the woods that they usually hunted in, then there should be a river not too far away that he could fill his flask at.

He stumbled into the woods, limbs heavy and head spinning. Everything sparkled with new life after the heavy rain; a rainfall like that was a rare occurrence in Arizona, so the forest seemed to be singing its thanks as the bright sunlight reflected on the leftover raindrops. 

It was a brief little sign that there was still beauty in this world, and Jeno felt like he didn’t deserve to see it. He was tainted, corrupted by the nightmares he had lived through. He had already been handed something beautiful in the form of Renjun, yet he had let go of him so quickly.

Momentary fear set in that hazy mind wouldn’t allow him to find the river, but that proved not to be an issue when he took another step and he heard a splash at his feet. Water soaked through his still soggy shoes, and Jeno knew he had found it.

Jeno threw himself down next to the river, trying to ignore the way the stones lining the water dug into his skin. His hands trembled as he struggled to unscrew the cap from his flask—  _ curse  _ those airtight caps. 

When Jeno finally managed to remove the cap, he carefully attached the water filter to the top. Once that was done he filled it with water, and set the flask gently beside him. It would need a little time to filter the water and make it drinkable, so Jeno figured that in the meantime he would rest and try not to expend any unnecessary energy.

He flopped onto his back and began his wait. Now that he was left with nothing else to do but think, Jeno began pondering his plan going onwards. 

It was clear that he would no longer be going to the bunker. Renjun was the one who knew the way there, and Jeno doubted they’d let just a random stranger in anyway. He would have to make the trek back to his campsite.

The thought of returning to that place all alone, only to continue on with the mundane existence he had been accustomed to made his chest feel like it was being crushed by a boulder. He desperately tried not to cry, for he couldn’t risk becoming any more dehydrated than he already was.

The Jeno of before had had no issue with living in that campsite alone for the rest of his miserable life. But the Jeno of now had become used to the warmth of waking up next to another living, breathing human. He had become wholly reliant on this boy who had made away with his heart; now Jeno relied on him to make it beat, and without him Jeno felt like he couldn’t breathe.

Jeno took a deep breath and stared up at the trees. The leaves were dappled with sunlight, reflecting all different shades of green. Jeno’s vision was still spinning, so it appeared like a vibrant green kaleidoscope.

Jeno took in all of the sounds around him. There were the birds singing, of course— not as many as when Jeno was young, but still there— there was also the rustling of the leaves, and the gurgle of the river just beside him. Jeno could hear a distant rumble further down the river where it must’ve been a waterfall.

He spent the next however many hours trying to plan his journey back, presuming that his current condition allowed him to even live long enough for it. He allowed the consistent rumble of the waterfall in the distance to be his auditory backdrop, the white noise to keep his chaotic, flurrying thoughts at bay.

It was in the middle of calculating how many days he could potentially make it without eating when Jeno paused. He could have sworn that the rumbling of the waterfall seemed to be getting closer.

He listened carefully, and yep, he definitely wasn’t imagining things— he strained his ears, trying to figure out what it could possibly be, when suddenly his blood went cold.

The rumble was sounding more and more like a growl.

Jeno’s whole body froze save for his hand, which slowly reached for the flask at his side. Luckily it had finished filtering. Jeno wrapped his fingers around it, and as he did so he carefully moved his eyes in the direction of the sound.

There, standing maybe a hundred feet away, was the most horrifying animal Jeno had ever laid eyes on.

It had to be one of the mutant coyotes that Seulgi and Irene had spoken of. It had all the recognizable features of a coyote, from the grey-brown furry coat to the tall, triangular ears. But this one… it was different. It was mangy, and walked with an awkward sort of limp. It was missing patches of fur in areas, and the end of its tail was entirely missing.

Worst of all was its face. The creature seemed to have a whole new face growing from the side of its head. Two jaws seemed to be melded together in one monstrous maw. Three terrible eyes were locked on Jeno as its jagged teeth were bared in a snarl.

All prior thoughts of Jeno’s worsened state fled his mind, and the only thing he could think to do was spring to his feet and sprint in the opposite direction.

Jeno cursed the adrenaline pumping through his veins for only making him more unsteady than before. He hopped over a fallen branch, narrowly avoiding face planting into the ground. He ignored the spike of pain that shot up through his leg when he landed on his ankle weirdly and kept on running.

He could hear footfalls and snarls from behind him getting closer and closer, so he knew that the coyote had picked up chase, and the distance between them was closing.

Jeno’s eyes roamed over the forest, searching desperately for any way out. Somewhere in the back of his mind he acknowledged that the situation was hopeless, but fight or flight had taken over and all he could do was  _ run. _

Jeno glanced to the side of him, and he realized that they were running alongside a shallow drop off. He wagered that the coyote probably wasn’t too sharp when it came to sudden changes in direction, so he took a chance and abruptly dove to the side.

Jeno was right. He tumbled to the bottom of the shallow rocky gorge, twisting his ankle and scraping his arms raw in the process, but he could hear the telltale sound of the coyote’s footsteps become distant as it continued on in the same direction.

Jeno had no idea how long the beast would be deterred, so he knew he had to get up and keep running. But every part of his body seemed to scream in pain; his legs burned with the ache of the sprint, his arms were scraped completely raw, his ankle was throbbing, and the spinning in his head had only gotten worse.

He had barely recovered from his fall when the growling and footfalls returned. Jeno couldn’t see it yet, but the animal was close once again. He scrambled for something,  _ anything,  _ that he could use to ward off the animal. His hands landed on a long, severed branch that lay a few feet away.

When the coyote finally reappeared, it took only moments to notice Jeno’s presence. Its lips immediately drew back in that vicious snarl, and it began stalking closer and closer.

Jeno held out his pathetic weapon in front of him with trembling hands. He was cornered, weak, and with nothing but a branch to protect himself with.  _ This is the end of the line,  _ he figured, and he began wishing that his last words with Renjun hadn’t been so hostile.

The coyote suddenly surged forward, and before Jeno even registered what was happening, its jaws had gotten hold of his uninjured leg.

If he thought the twisted ankle was bad, then it was nothing compared to the immeasurable pain he felt as the creature’s teeth sunk into his flesh. Jeno wasn’t sure if he was screaming or if that was simply his brain setting off alarm bells as his leg was suddenly soaked in crimson blood.

Jeno bit back a scream as he jammed his branch into the top of the coyote’s head, desperately trying to shake it off. He administered hit after hit, wielding the branch with every ounce of the little strength that he had left. Finally it seemed to work, because the creature finally let go of his leg to snap his jaws at Jeno’s weapon.

Jeno tried to ignore the sensation of the teeth releasing from his leg— because it was somehow just as painful as when they first latched on— and sent his branch forward in one final blow.

The branch managed to lodge itself in the coyote’s throat before it could properly snap at it. The animal made a pained howl as it thrashed about. It was of course much stronger than Jeno, so in all its thrashing the branch was ripped from Jeno’s hands.

Jeno watched in horror as the animal stumbled away, still thrashing. It managed to dislodge the branch from his throat, snapping it in half like it was nothing but a toothpick before throwing it to the ground.

It began stalking back towards Jeno, but it looked even angrier than before. It didn’t help at all that the creature’s mouth was now lined with blood; Jeno wasn’t even sure how much of it was his and how much was the coyote’s.

As it drew closer, Jeno raised his arms in one last feeble attempt to protect himself. This was going to be the sad, lonely ending to a sad nineteen years of life. Jeno squeezed his eyes shut and let sobs rack his feeble body as he waited for the strike that would kill him off once and for all.

The strike never came.

Instead he heard the unmistakable sound of gunshots echo throughout the gorge, followed by a furious yell. From just above him came the pained whimpers of an injured animal, and suddenly his body was being crushed by a limp, furry body.

It took a few moments of Jeno being frozen in shock before he finally managed to crack his eyes open.

Lying on top of him, coat matted with blood and riddled with bullet holes, was the coyote. It was completely limp where it lay, and Jeno knew that it was dead. Its horrifying face lay directly against his chest, and the three empty eyes seemed to be staring up at him. Jeno swallowed a gag.

Across the gorge and running towards him was... Renjun.

The boy looked worse for wear, but probably not nearly as bad as Jeno. His eyes looked sunken and his soft hair looked limp and grey, as if worry had been physically eating him alive. One of Jeno’s AR-15s was grasped in Renjun’s arms, but he quickly threw it aside as he approached Jeno.

Never in Jeno’s life had he been so relieved to see another person as he was now.

“Renjun,” he gasped, “I’m so— I’m so sorry.” And with that tears began falling, and they didn’t seem to want to stop. It was as if that handful of words broke a dam within him, letting free all of the emotions running high.

“No, Jeno, no—” Renjun seemed to have been sobbing already— “ _ I’m  _ sorry, I— I promised to protect you, I reassured you that I understood your feelings, but then I just let my emotions get the better of me, and—”

“We  _ both  _ let our emotions get the better of us.” The adrenaline coursing through Jeno was fading rapidly, leaving him feeling nauseous, and like he was nothing but an empty husk. “You came back, you saved my life, and I couldn’t be more thankful.”

Renjun only sobbed harder as he shoved at the coyote’s body to free Jeno. “Don’t speak on that yet,” he choked through his tears, “I’ll have to save you again with the shape you’re in.”

Jeno’s anxiety spiked as he took a glance down at his legs. One was swollen up and twisted in a way that it definitely wasn’t supposed to, and the other— the one that had been a doggy chew toy was completely mangled, and Jeno couldn’t even see through all the blood.

The sight made him want to vomit. His dizziness came back in full force, and the world around him quickly faded to black.   
  
  
  


The first thing Jeno registered when he came to were the sounds.

Birds were chirping, and he could hear the rustling of another presence not too far away.

Renjun. Renjun was here with him. They were still in the forest.

The forest. Jeno had run away, and ended up in the forest. A mutant coyote had attacked him, and Renjun had come back and saved him just in time.

As the memories of what happened came flooding back, so did the pain.

Jeno cried out when the absolutely mind-numbing pain from every inch of his body made itself known once again. The cry must’ve alerted Renjun that Jeno had woken up, because he heard hurried footsteps patter over.

“Jeno! Jeno, look at me!”

Jeno’s eyes cracked open, and he squinted as his vision adjusted to the bright sunlight. Renjun was hovering over him, his face etched with concern.

“Jeno listen,” Renjun spoke again, his voice quivering with nerves, “I’ve stopped the bleeding in your leg for now, but it’s— it’s really bad. Like, I think you’re gonna need stitches.”

Jeno cringed at the thought, and let out another grunt of pain. “If you brought my medical kit, I can attempt— arghh— I can attempt to stitch myself up.”

Renjun glanced behind him at the pile of stuff he had brought with him, looking conflicted. “Of course I brought it, I brought everything, but— I can’t possibly ask you to do it yourself.” Renjun gulped. “If you show me how, I can try.”

“Renjun are you sure? I really can do it if I need to—”

“Please, please let me help you.”

Jeno nodded. “Alright, then. Fetch the med kit?”

Renjun nodded, looking sick. When he returned with the supplies, Jeno began running him through the procedure. Jeno took in the fear hanging heavy in Renjun’s eyes as he explained the proper sterilization process. He had half the mind to just put an end to this and say he’d do the stitches— really it was _fine_— but he knew Renjun wouldn’t budge. He also knew that it would be infinitely easier for him if he wasn’t the one doing the stitches, so Jeno kept quiet.

Finally, the set up was complete. Renjun grabbed a flannel from their pack, and like Jeno had done for him for his stitches, Renjun held it up to his mouth.

“Bite down,” Renjun told him, and so Jeno did.

The next half hour was the most excruciating half hour of his entire life. Jeno completely underestimated how horrible it would be for someone to literally sew his flesh back together with no anesthetics whatsoever. Jeno remembered how Renjun had gone through just the same a few weeks earlier, and once again his appreciation for the other boy’s unpredictable strength grew.

Jeno’s teeth dug into the flannel the whole time as he tried not to scream. Renjun persevered, despite shaky hands and many tears shed, and Jeno wanted to hug him and kiss him and never let him go.

They finally got some peace and quiet later that night when everything was cleaned up, and their bellies were filled with food. Jeno and Renjun lay side by side against the rocky side of the small gorge. There was no fire tonight, for they had deemed it unsafe considering what unknown threats still roamed these woods.

A silence hung over the pair, one that was slightly stiff but still tolerable. Jeno buried his face into Renjun’s shoulder and revelled in the warmth and comfort of his presence. It had barely been a day that they had spent apart, but to Jeno it had felt like forever.

Jeno felt considerably better than he had earlier: his arms had been cleaned and patched up, his twisted ankle had been wrapped, and his stitches had been carefully cleaned and bandaged. The feverish, sick feeling from earlier had not gone away, however. Renjun seemed to notice it too.

“Jeno, let me see something.” Renjun sat straight abruptly, pushing Jeno upright, and placed a hand on Jeno’s forehead. His eyebrows furrowed. “Jeno, you’re burning up.”

Jeno nodded lazily. He was sleepy, he wanted to sleep.

“We’re going to continue on to the bunker first thing tomorrow. You’re in terrible shape; your stitches are effective for now but in the long term unreliable, and you’re obviously sick as well. They’ll have what we need to properly help you.”

Jeno nodded again, and let his head fall back onto Renjun’s shoulder. “Bunker, sounds good,” he mumbled.

Renjun sat and listened as Jeno’s breath evened out before he finally attempted sleep. Fear burned like a hot coal in his stomach; concern for Jeno bubbling within like a pool of acid. He would do everything in his power to get Jeno to safety, and under proper care.

If he let the boy he loved die on his hands, he didn’t think he’d ever forgive himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jeno, i'm so sorry. 
> 
> also... renjun pov at the end there?? next chapter will be entirely in his pov 👀
> 
> be prepared for the final chapter!! i can't believe it's finally come omg
> 
> as usual, lmk what you thought at my [twitter](https://twitter.com/princehuangss) or my [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.qa/princehuangss) !!


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